Really? I wouldn’t necessarily say America owns outer space, but we kicked some serious Soviet Union ass during the race to the Moon in the 1960s, and we kicked every one else’s ass in exploration of the rest of the Solar System. The human spaceflight programs of Mercury, Gemini, Apollo, Skylab, and the Shuttle proved to the world that America was fearlessly second-to-none in its determination to explore the Moon and to be on the cutting edge of technological advances. On average, we were launching Shuttles better than one every three months. Who else but America could build five reusable spacecrafts and launch them 135 times in thirty years? Nobody! NASA has continually pushed America’s drive, status, ingenuity, and know-how into Earth’s truly final frontier for the past fifty years. And now, sadly, most of that is on the back burner…

For the Russians to be claiming that it’s their space age now, and we’ve entered the “Soyuz epoch,” is terribly… Soviet of them. Maybe someone should remind them who got the sweeter end of this Technology Sharing stick, and who shouldered more of the construction cost of the International Space Station. I mean, it not like we own or operate seven (to the Russian’s five) of the fifteen modules that make up ISS, right? However, some bureaucratic tighty-whitey stain signed off on a contract that calls for three crew members on each six-person Expedition to be Russian! That sounds fair, until you realize that the remaining crew members must come from the 15 other countries involved in IIS’ operation. For example, three Russians, two Americans, and a Canadian. Or, three Russians, one American, a Japanese, and an Italian. How did that happen? My grandparents would be on a non-stop coffin rotisserie if they knew what was going on 225 miles above!

It still pisses me off beyond words that we’ve spent an estimated $100 billion dollars on the ISS, including shuttle missions, and we now have no domestic means of getting to it. Why would Obama kill the Constellation program, then allow the Shuttle program to end while extending the Space Station’s mission to 2020? If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was purposely helping Russia’s economy. C’mon! It’s like building a house on small island, and having no possible way to get to the island. Or worse yet, having to rely on your former enemies to fly you and two friends to your island for $190 million. Oh, the Russians are more than happy to give us a ride to ISS in their 1968 Checker Marathon Soyuz taxicab at a cost that will hit $63 million PER SEAT in three years. Sonsofbitches! Mark Shuttleworth flew to ISS in a Soyuz death coffin for $20 million! I have three words for the Russians: Frequent-Fuckin’-Flyer Miles!

Now that the U.S. has no manned spacecraft, and China is ramping up their manned programs exponentially, we’re in danger of being surpassed by the Communists. China is planning on launching the first phase of their own space station later this year, with completion slated for 2020. On top of that, they’ve already launched spacecraft for a lunar exploration program… and the Russians are helping them! We could see the Five Star Red Flag of People’s Republic of China on the Moon by 2025!

If you’re one of those bleeding-heart utopian types, you might ask, “Why should we care? We don’t own the Moon and space is vast enough for all of Earth’s nations.” Well, you should care! Unlike the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, the Chinese space program is run by their military, the People’s Liberation Army. And that’s enough to cramp the muscles in anyone’s balloon knot.

While NASA says they’ll announce a heavy lift craft “soon,” the fact is they don’t have one. They didn’t have one before ending the Shuttle program. Amazingly, in addition to relying on the Russians to get us to ISS, the Obama Administration has voiced a willingness to work with the Chinese on manned missions to Mars. But should we? Do we really want to work with a country we owe so much money to? A country that we can’t trust? A communist country? I think not. But I suspect someday in the future we’ll all be glued to our televisions cell phones and tablets watching Chinese astronauts build a space station, colonize the Moon, and landing a manned craft on Mars… All thanks to Congressional budget cuts for social entitlements and a retooled mission for NASA that apparently puts Muslim outreach ahead of the United States’ ability to expand its pioneering ability to place Americans in space.

NASA is not without options. They’ve created a program called Commercial Orbital Transportation Services and requested funding for private transport to and from low-Earth orbit. Companies like SpaceX — with their Falcon 9 / Dragon spacecraft — could easily take over for the Shuttles under COTS, sort of. The payload capacity is quite a bit lower, but it’s MORE than the Soyuz! At least SpaceX is American, and we’re not paying Russia upwards of $200 mil for a hitch every six months.

I’m sure you’re tired of my ranting about the space program… so I’ll leave it there. Let’s hope NASA and Congress doesn’t sit on it’s ass and watch the Russians and Chinese pass us by. I’d hate for us to be third best.

And before any of you Liberal cocks out there flood my email with comments, I’m fully aware that President Bush ordered the retirement of the Space Shuttle fleet. However, Bush Jr. fully supported the Constellation program that would have replaced the Shuttle. It was ol’ Mr. Hope & Change himself that promptly canceled Constellation bringing the inevitable end to American-manned spaceflight for the foreseeable future… taking thousands of jobs with it!

I’m four and a half decades old — born in the middle of the Cold War — and cannot recall a time that NASA hasn’t been putting Americans (and others) in space. I’ve been enamored with NASA my entire life, especially the manned spaceflights.

In 1969, I was at my grandparent’s house in Philadelphia while they were watching the television coverage of Apollo 11. I was only three years old, but moments after Neil Armstrong hopped off the lander, I was at the front door of their house looking up at the sky, trying to see the man on the moon. At least that’s how the story went. I may have been too young to recall that personally, but I somehow remember it. But I do remember when Skylab was falling out of the sky, and whenever it was time for science projects in school, I immediately went to the missions of Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo. My Dad was constantly getting printed photos from NASA and Jet Propulsion Laboratory, and I remember using those images in a school book report. My Dad even got me Gene Cernan’s autograph!

Living in suburban Pennsylvania as an awkward teenager, I clearly remember watching hours and hours of television coverage of Space Shuttle Enterprise test free flights and the first-ever launch of Space Shuttle Columbia on April 12, 1981. Eventually, Shuttle missions became so routine that their launches were only mentioned on the evening news. “President Ronald Reagan declares May ‘National Child Safety Awareness Month,’ people in the south continue their protest of Coca Cola for changing the formula of their beloved soft drink, and Space Shuttle Challenger lifted off from Kennedy Space Center. Here’s Tom with the weather.” Sad indeed.

On January 28, 1986, I was standing on an icy street corner on a bitter cold morning in West Chester, Pennsylvania. My friend and I were waiting for the 104 bus to take us to the city. I don’t remember if the bus didn’t show up, or we got tired of freezing our asses off. But I do remember getting home to news that Space Shuttle Challenger had exploded 73 seconds after liftoff. Like most Americans I watch in disbelief, shocked that we could suffer a loss so great. Of course, the non-stop news coverage was all over the tragedy then, weren’t they? I recall they covered the “Teacher in Space” like she was the lone member on board. It’s nice to see Main Stream Media has improved since the mid-80s. </sarcasm>

I was working at a Philadelphia Radio Shack nearly three years later when Space Shuttle Discovery returned us to space in 1988. Years later, I was home watching the landing of Columbia live on television when she disintegrated over Texas February 1, 2003. Being only a year and a half after the September 11 attacks, I wondered at the time (like most of us did) if the Columbia disaster was an act of terrorism… which it wasn’t. Two and a half years later, I was glued to NASA TV when Discovery, yet again, shouldered the job of returning Americans back to space in 2005. Good ol’ Discovery was the fleet’s workhorse!

After 135 missions, the Shuttle program has been shuttered, never to fly again. Its three remaining orbiters have been promised to museums around the country. And thanks to Porkulus or the Tax, Rape, Pillage, and Spend More Than We Have Act of 2010, America has no immediate plans to replace the Shuttle. Instead, we’ll have to ride with the Russians on Soyuz spacecraft, like some sandal-wearing hippie looking to hitch a ride to a fuckin’ Phish concert. Gas, Grass, or Ass: No one rides for free.

The goddamn Russian Roscosmos, really? The same Russian Federal Space Agency that had two — TWO! — satellite launches end failure just five and eight months ago? The same Space Agency that only built five of the eleven spacecraft planned in 2010, and had six spacecraft for civilian purposes fail to launch in 2010? The same assclowns that put rich civilians on their spacecrafts, like they’re a galactic taxi company? Please!

Obama has officially signaled to the world that America has thrown in the towel and waved the white flag of surrender. He’s given our plums to the Chinese! In 1961, a President Johnson report stated, “It is man, not mere machines, in space that captures the imagination of the world.” This has proven true every single time! Yuri Gagarin, Alan Sheppard, Ed White, Sally Ride, Neil Armstrong, John Young and Robert Crippen, and Story Musgrave among others, have definitely captured the imagination of the world. Now, that task lies in the hands of the socialists and communists, with names like Vladimir Iliykdrinkinvokov and Bol Son Chin. Good job, Mr. President.

The Obama Health Care Plan is comprised of two parts. The first part Obamacare was buried in the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 (a.k.a. ARRA, a.k.a. the $787,000 million Stimulus Bill) which has already been signed into law by President B. Hussein Obama in February. The second part of Obamacare (H.R. 3200) is currently being debated in Congress and town halls across America. I’m sure you’ve all heard liberals who support H.R. 3200 say that there won’t be any rationing of health care or “death panels.” Even the President himself said, “Great Britain has a system of socialized medicine. Nobody is talking about doing that.” They’re fucking liars. Every one of them. As far as I can tell, rationing of health care will be done through a Council, equivalent to the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) of the British National Health Service. The name given to this panel is The Federal Coordinating Council For Comparative Effectiveness Research, or the “Council,” and has already been funded with $1,100 million (a big numbers way of saying $1.1 billion, with a ‘B’) from the Porkulus Bill. Here’s an official link introducing us to the grand gaggle of douchebags that make up the Death Panel, err, I mean the “Council.” It’s these motherfuckers that will use some super-secret government “formula of approval or rejection of treatment for patients based upon the cost per treatment divided by the number of years the patient will benefit from the treatment.” There’s far too much bullshit to cover here in my blog. I’d look like this typing pages and pages and pages and pages.

Is there any wonder why people are starting to oppose Obamacare in droves? When Americans started reading then opposing this polished turd, they started confronting the politicians at their town hall meetings, if they didn’t cowardly cancel their town hall meetings for fear of opposition. The Bill contains provisions that the sick, elderly, and disabled members of society could face the prospect of government bureaucrats determining whether they deserve health care. Of course, this brought old people out of Country Buffet and into the town halls. Suddenly, dissenters were being called all sorts of horrible things by the very people they elected! Stench trench of the House, Nancy Pelosi referred to honest, hard-working Americans who, in her eyes, are “drowning out opposing views” of Obamacare as “simply un-American,” “astroturf,” and said they were bringing swastikas into town hall meetings. Hey Nancy, I think demonstrating against issues we don’t agree with to be very American, indeed! It’s our First Amendment right to freedom of speech, so shut the fuck up!

Even in my own home state, Democrat Representative Brian Baird said the opposing behaviors of town hall members “was reminiscent of the kinds of things that drove Timothy McVeigh to bomb the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City…” Holy fuckballs! Really? I personally oppose Barry‘s health care reform plans. Does that make me a mass-murdering truck bomber? I don’t think so. When did it become un-American to stand up and oppose something you feel is wrong? Why does the pro-health care reform camp feel the need to call you names just because you don’t agree with them?

Back in November, just after the messiah won the election, I wrote in my blog that “many feel we’ve turned a corner on racism in the country by electing Obama, [but] I have a sinking feeling that we’ve begun a new chapter that will only widen the rift.” Unfortunately, I was right. The liberal left Kool-Aid drinkers have taken to calling ANYONE — not just white Republicans — who dares oppose King Hussein, a “racist.” Somehow, calling Obamacare a socialist plan is code words for “racism.” Attending a Tea Party protest makes you a “functionally retarded adult,” a “teabagger,” and a “racist.” I got news for you, Jeanane Garofalo, you puss-infected regurgitated cum bubble, opposing Obama’s policies has nothing — absolutely NOTHING — to do with his skin color. I don’t give two juicy squirts of goat shit if he’s black, white, Latino, Asian, or fucking purple. I don’t like the idea of a government-run health plan, insurance reform, co-op, or whatever the hell they’re calling it this day. Laissez-faire, morbleu! Laissez-faire!!

I’ve even had first-hand experience with this far left propaganda bullshit. A friend of mine on Facebook (who I’ll call “Liz”) pasted some anti-H.R. 3200 material from someone’s blog on her wall and pleaded that politicians read the bill before passing it. This lead to one of the people on her friends list to deride her for her opinions. I won’t use his real name; instead I’ll call him “Barney” (after a certain Massachusetts Representative, and the fact he really likes Fruity Pebbles, if you get my drift). “Barney” started by saying Liz “should turn off Fox News and read the entire document for [herself].” He said he was disappointed with her and remembered her being more independent.” What the hell?

I sarcastically fired back at this ass pirate in defense of “Liz,” saying she should stop watching FNC and start watching the socialist propaganda that the White House and NBC want us to believe. I made fun of the evil Glenn Beck and the un-American Fox News, and suggested that “Barney” read the bill himself. I told him to get off his elitist high-horse, stop looking down his nose at people with different points of view, and stop infringing upon “Liz’s” Constitutional right to watch and say whatever the hell she wants.

This is when the name calling started. “Barney’s” response was he had no problem with “Liz” expressing her opinion (which obviously he did), but didn’t want her “spewing the untruths that the racist-backwards-religious nutjob-rednecks of the country keep yealing,” [sic] then proceeded to say she didn’t seem too bright. Wow! Way to debate the issue, you ingrown sphincter hair! “Barney” continued by schooling me on my elitist comment, saying, “an elitist would want something only for themselves (healthcare for only a few), not everybody (universal and affordable coverage).” He obviously feels that the Goverment should just provide almost-free health care for all, and let our future generations pay the bill. Dickhead. “Barney” then insulted my intelligence level and told me to “go run a minority out of town before NASCAR comes on and leave the policies of the country to the adults.” Jesus, speaking of regurgitated cum bubbles. This guy’s a 55-gallon drum full of them! Suddenly I’m a racist for opposing Obamacare and defending “Liz’s” right to oppose the same? Unbelievable.

Again, I replied, being very cautious not to call him any names. However, I did call him a “typical member of the left cult, happily drinking [his] Obama fruit drink,” an indirect slam on his sexuality, which he was obviously too goddamn stupid (or drunk) to pick up on. I continued by telling him to watch and read news sources from both the liberal and conservative sides and form his own opinions based on truths, instead of insulting people. I proceeded to tell this puckering anus that his “paradigmatic views prove [him] to be the ignorant one,” then corrected his definition of “elitist” as belonging to a select or favored group. “Barney” tried to fight back, but couldn’t. Instead, he accused me of name-calling (which I didn’t), then said he’s never “seen a bigger group with more of a superiority complex than [Republicans].” Riiiight! It’s the Republicans that have the “we won get over it” attitude, trying to push two trillion (with a fucking ‘T’) dollars worth of government spending down America’s throat.

I replied by saying he doesn’t know me, and told his holiness that I’m an agnostic Independent that sided with the liberals for decades. His only response was he got whiplash from all my “spin,” I should say ‘Hi’ to Satan when I see him, I “strike [him] as the worst type of person than can exist,” and he has “more respect for child molesters than the likes of [me].” Right, I guess the pillow-biting dumb ass missed the irony of calling me the “worst type of person than can exist.” Whatever, you vaginal blood fart. You’re the one that respects child molesters, then call me the worst type of person? See “Barney,” that is spin. Pull the black cock out of your balloon knot and pay attention!

I could go on, but I don’t want to give “Barney the cocksucker” any more attention than I already have. And yes, I’m fully aware that I called “Barney” all kinds of disgusting names in the above paragraphs, but I wasn’t doing it during the debate like some childish grade schooler. I don’t care, and my disclaimer gives me the right to say whatever the fuck I want on my blog.

It is a sad period in our Country’s history that we cannot debate the issues without resorting to name-calling and labeling. The problem is people see the names or labels that get applied, and don’t judge for themselves based on truths. As Americans, we are not only given the right to freedom of speech, but we also have the right to question our government and the ideals of others. In fact it is our duty to question our government and voice our opposition, for if we don’t, we are nothing but sheep being lead to slaughter.

Let’s hope that the Democrats pull their collective heads out of the ass, and that a government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

Anyway, back to my point. No, I’m not happy with the choice. I am happy, however, that our airwaves won’t be inundated with political commercials, our roadways won’t be littered with political posters, and Keith Olbermann can finally go back to sucking the cock of whoever gave him his job on MSNBC. Be sure to wear your bib, Keith… I’d hate for you to ruin your tie, my friend.

If you read my last blog post, you’ll recall that I was a bit mystified that I was leaning conservative. Call it age, call it wisdom, call it fear. I liked John McCain, because Barack Obama is pretty much an complete unknown. Oh, we know the life he wants us to know, the life we know from his two books, the life that the media agreed to report. I’m talking about the used-to-be-Muslim, socialist/Marxist, “James Cone-ian,” unrepentant terrorist, Chicago politics side of Obama that we all want to know about.

My friends, before I get going here, let me say that I am not angry, or bitter, or depressed that the candidate I voted for lost the election. Mr. Obama’s team was well-funded, and ran an extremely effective campaign. In the end, we Americans have a new president, and I honestly wish him the best. He ran on hope and change, and I sincerely hope he can change what is ailing this great country. Come on, I’m not stupid. If Obama fails, American fails, and I seriously doubt our country can survive another Carter administration.

However… my well-wishes don’t preclude him from well-deserved scrutiny and the occasional ridicule. If history says lampooning the past 43 presidents is fair game, then the 44th is also a legitimate target. Out of respect to the Democrats and liberal left wing, I will show their president the same respect and loyalty that they have shown the current Republican president. According to Francis Edward Smedley, “all’s fair in love and war.”

To be in the political spotlight, you have to have a thick skin. Criticism is part of the job. There’s always going to be people that don’t like you. The disciples of the Messiah better get used to the fact that their beloved president is going to held to the extremely high standard he set for himself. Obama made a lot of promises. His followers believed he could do no wrong and could walk on water. Well, the campaign’s over Mr. President-elect, and you’re at the water’s edge. Put your water wings on and get walkin’.

Look, just because many countries and their leaders, as well as 52% of the American electorate and mainstream media fell in love Barack Obama, doesn’t mean I have to. This is America where — for the moment — we still have First Amendment rights. Yes, Obama is an “African American.” That doesn’t mean he should be treated with kid gloves, my friends. His detractors should not have their opinions squelched for fear of being called a racist or un-American.

And speaking of African American, in Obama’s own words he called himself a mutt (when referring to shelter dogs for his kids). He’s a swirl, people! Let’s not forget that he’s half black, and half white. His father was black and from Kenya, his mother was white and from Kansas. I’m a little tired Hollywood‘s mouth pieces spouting off about how proud they are of America for electing a “black man.” They insist on planting their face in front of any camera and shove their view down our throats, telling us that he’s a great man, the JFK of our generation. Give me a break.

To be honest, I don’t understand all the love that was poured on Obama. Recently, the economy went into the toilet like a digested 32 ounce Porterhouse turd. It splashed up on the sphincter of our 401(k) plans like a Herb Moses pearl necklace on Barney Frank‘s turkey neck. While most experts criticized Obama’s tax plan as detrimental, the polls showed B. Hussein Obama could handle the economy better than John McCain. Why? What makes people believe Obama, with his community organizing, eight years of state stenate, and two years of U.S. Senate experience could handle a trillion dollar budget better than McCain with his five years of U.S. House and 22 years of U.S. Senate experience? Am I missing something? Are people are fucking stupid? I looked it up; it’s on the Int0rn3ts, so it must be true! Some people still believe the Earth is flat, the moon is made of cheese, the moon landings were faked, Elvis is still alive, and a junior Senator from Illinois can be a better president. It was the Kool-aid. It had to be the Kool-aid. This infallible trust in Obama is based almost entirely on a few facts; he’ll change America and he’s Democratical… not another Bush Republican.

Oh, lest I forget the government dole. I think people also believed Obama would grant tax credits and stimulus checks. God bless the Treasury‘s checkbook!

On thing that I find super creepy is everyone fawning over Obama, writing songs and painting pictures about him like he a Pope, or the second (another?) coming of Muhammad. Does anyone remember the murals of middle east dictators that we used to see on the evening news decades ago? Here’s one a couple or few of what I’m talking about. Maybe it’s just me, but that’s just a form of idol worship! As a kid, I never put pictures of rock stars or athletes on my bedroom walls… or at least I don’t recall doing that. My point is, it’s fucking creepy! Especially if you’re a citizen in a third world nation, and your jackbooted dictator forces you to paint his picture on the side of some shithole no-tell motel. Two words: super creepy. Now, compare those litter box dictator murals to the murals that the Flavor Aid-drinking supporters of Obama have painted around our nation: this one, this one, and this one. It seems eerily similar, doesn’t it? Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but with a name like “Barack Hussein Obama,” and the gaffe of “57 states,” coupled with his Islamic upbringing and these freaky weird murals… I can’t help but wonder what the hell we’ve gotten ourselves into. And it doesn’t stop at murals. Hell no. There’s shirts, too. Here’s another, and another. Damn. It’s only a matter of time before he has people graveling at his feet, kissing his ring. Sieg Heil!

Even the media — both press and broadcast — jumped the goddamn shark during this election cycle. They were mollycoddling the Chosen One, our Savior of Hope and Change, like the surrogate infant son of Allah. A study by The Project for Excellence in Journalism found that media coverage for both presidential candidates was equal after their conventions. However, coverage for McCain was 57% negative, 14% positive, and 29% neutral. On the other side, Obama’s negative, positive, and neutral coverage was 29%, 36%, 35%, respectively. Factor in affirmative action, and that almost seems fair.

Sarah Palin‘s coverage was surprisingly more even, but was covered 3-to-1 over Joe Biden. Palin received 28% positive, 39% negative and 33% neutral coverage. But the negative coverage was viciously negative and downright evil. Mainstream media should be fucking ashamed of themselves for the flat-out lies they told! Oh yes, lies! Like saying Palin’s Down syndrome baby Trig was actually her oldest daughter’s illegitimate baby. That was a lie that no one in the media bothered to validate. I guess they were too busy enjoying Obama’s chocolate salty balls.

Cap'n Crunch should revoke their journalism degrees!

Forget the lies, much was made of Palin’s gaffes — the Bush Doctrine, foreign policy, what periodicals she reads, the clothes she wears — and she got a substantial amount of scrutiny for it. Yet, Joe Biden barely got a mention. During the vice presidential debates, Biden said, “[Vice President Dick Cheney] doesn’t realize that Article I of the Constitution defines the role of the vice president of the United States, that’s the Executive Branch.” In the same statement, he continues, “The only authority the vice president has from the legislative standpoint is the vote, only when there is a tie vote. He has no authority relative to the Congress. The idea he’s part of the Legislative Branch is a bizarre notion invented by Cheney to aggrandize the power of a unitary executive…” Where’s the outrage? How can a senator of 36 years not know that Article II — not Article I — of the Constitution outlines the Executive Branch? How can a senator of 36 years not know the vice president is the president of the Senate? Let me say that again. A six-term Senator doesn’t know that the Vice President of the United States is the president of the Senate! Was he asleep during history class? Was he absent the day he assumed office in 1973? Jesus Christ!

Can you imagine the parodies that would have ensued if Sarah Palin had fucked up like Biden did when he said, “When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn’t just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, ‘Look, here’s what happened.’” Sounds innocuous, until you realize Herbert Hoover was president in 1929, not FDR, and no one was watching television. Television was in it’s infancy in 1929 (only a year old), and electronic tube televisions weren’t mass-marketed in the U.S. until 1934. I ask again, where was the outrage? No one cared. Everyone was too busy looking longingly into Obama’s eyes and groping his ass, I guess.

I was completely floored by another tidbit from Fox Mulder‘s filing cabinet. During the campaign, Obama said of Pennsylvanians in small towns, “they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.” Really! Another blow to the Keystone State’s mining industry, near the end of the campaign an interview came to light that had Obama saying he would bankrupt the coal industry if they built any new coal power plants. Now, if I still lived in Pennsylvania, I wouldn’t have voted for the candidate that uttered such insults. Yet, Pennsylvanians voted for Obama 54.6% to 44.6%. Unbelievable.

To add injury to insult, Jack Murtha, Pennsylvania’s 12th congressional district Representative said, “There is no question that western Pennsylvania is a racist area.” He quickly pulled his foot from his dentures and issued a retraction; “there’s still folks that have a problem voting for someone because they are black … This whole area, years ago, was really redneck…” Murtha won his bid for a seventeenth term. Apparently Pennsylvanians aren’t racists or rednecks. They’re fucking retarded!

Now that we have chosen our next King of Kings, I expect America will actually change. However, I don’t think it will be for the better. I fear that people will now expect to be treated different by a democratic government run by a sympathetic minority president. In June, I wrote of the race card and stated that if Barack Obama won the presidency, all “race cards” would expire. Well, guess what America! Race cards expire in January! African Americans will not be able to scream “racism” if they feel the Man is keeping them down. You can’t bitch about the Man if you are the Man, bitches! Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton will be reduced to common Americans, their clout for racial equality reduced to a girly slap fight.

While many feel we’ve turned a corner on racism in the country by electing Obama, I have a sinking feeling that we’ve begun a new chapter that will only widen the rift. I hope I’m wrong. I honestly do. I don’t want to ride in the back of the bus.

Sadly, that’s where my voting experience ends.

Knowing history I know Bushie 41 won the election in 1988, but my life was focused on all sorts of me-me-me-dom. C’mon, it was the 1980s, the decade of “Me!” I blame Reagan. I was 22 and living in Philadelphia at the time, but registered in West Chester where I grew up. I was thinking with the wrong head, traveling to and from upstate New York. I didn’t have time to register in a new city or worry about such nonsense as politics. It was all about me. What are politics going to do for me? I didn’t care, I didn’t form opinions. President who? Whatever.

By 1992, I was in Washington. I was living on my own far from my family, and generally being a productive, job-holding citizen of society. I registered to vote here in the small town in which I live and fully expected to wield that constitutional power granted to me by the forefathers of this great nation. It would be my first vote on the West coast, and I liked Clinton.

After work, I headed home for dinner. While eating, Tom Brokaw announced that Bill Clinton would be the next president of the United States. I sat there stunned, mouth open waiting for a forkful of food, as I wondered how they could announce a winner when half the country hadn’t finished voting yet. I hadn’t voted yet! Goddammit, my vote doesn’t count?! What kind of bullshit was that?

It was that day that caused me to never vote in an election again. What’s the point of voting if the East coast exit polls predicted the winner early? Fuck it, this country can elect a president without my vote. Fine by me, at least I don’t have to go to some gymnasium or community center and speak loudly and slowly to some nonagenarian volunteer that’s seen more presidential elections than penises. I was done.

Oh, I would watch, and I would form my opinions. I inevitably would favor one candidate and quietly hope he would win. But when it came time to vote, I was doing other things with my free time. In 1996, I liked Clinton still, even though most of my friends didn’t. But the other choice was Bob Dole, and I don’t think Bob Dole liked Bob Dole. And Bob Dole held a pen, and Bob Dole talked about himself in the third person. Bob Dole was weird.

In 2000, I watched again as Bushie Jr. and the inventor of the Internet battled it out. Again, I liked the democratic candidate. It was a Clinton fan, and since Clinton couldn’t run for a third term, Gore was the next best thing. The dot-com bubble burst, but the country wasn’t bad off. Things seemed okay heading into the 21st century. Of course, the election turned into fiasco, and no one’s vote counted. The arthritic dinosaurs of Florida couldn’t poke holes in paper, so the Supreme Court appointed W to office. Excellent. During the campaign, I remember Bush said he was going to restore honor to the oval office, in contrast to Clinton’s cigar-inserting, knob-polishing, seed-spilling antics. I recall talking to my friend Dave on the day Bush was appointed to office, I made a joke that it would be hard to restore honor now that we have Dick and Bush in office. He thought that was highly funny. I also told several friends that we would have lots of trouble in the Middle East. I knew Saddam Hussein disliked Bushie's Pop, and predicted Junior would finish what Daddy started. Nailed that one, eh?

Four years later, my views in the 2004 election were no different. I didn’t like GWB in 2000, and he didn’t do anything that won my favor. Of course, my own little secret imaginary election left me with a douche or a turd to root for, and I reluctantly sided with Kerry. I didn’t like either one. In fact, I hated them both. But if I had to choose one, I figured a democrat might get us out of a war that a lot of Americans and a lot of my friends didn’t like. Of course, since I didn’t vote, I didn’t really give two tiny goat craplets. Also, in 2004 my Dad was very ill, and I was going through some legal troubles with a former “employer,” for lack of a better description. I wasn’t paying too much attention to politics at the time.

Looking back at all the elections over the past 20 years, I sided with the Democrats every time. With the lone exception of my one and only actual Presidential vote in 1984, I seemed to always want a democratic president. I never really thought of myself as being either Republican or Democratic, but when push came to shove, it was always a Democrat. If I ever cornered myself in a conversation with friends about politics, I’d often be called a liberal democrat, as if it were an insult. I didn’t like the Republicans, and wasn’t afraid to say so. I always thought of myself as more liberal and less conservative, but if you asked me to define those qualities, I’d probably start to drool like a retard hopped up Ritalin. I feel that I’m liberal in some areas, and conservative in others. Just as I dress, I’d say I was somewhere in the middle but leaning to the left. The cookie-cutter labels don’t work with me.

Again I found myself in the Democrat’s camp for 2008, because I really dislike the current administration. The current Republican administration, with their smoke and mirrors lie that got us into a war, and their manipulation of the media. They can’t catch the real Osama, and they probably never will. National security has been whittled away, and they’ve taken many of our civil liberties and right to privacy after the attacks of September 11, 2001. The economy is completely in the porcelain turd tunnel. A gallon of gas costs more than a gallon of milk, many can’t pay their mortgages, and basic necessities like groceries and utilities cost far more than ever. Christ, the list goes on and on… the environment, education, healthcare, taxes. And to top it all off, our relationships with other countries is severely damaged. Americans are hated more than ever by people that matter; other first world countries. Fuck the liberated sand monkeys (for lack of an N-word) in the Middle East. They don’t matter.

So this primary race, I found myself pulling for Hillary. Again, as so many times in the past, the choice was between two turds. Which one of these two turds smells better? Which one could be polished up and thrown in front of FOX News and CNN cameras? I didn’t like either one, but putting that proverbial gun to my head and forcing a choice, I chose Billary. For no other reason than it would piss off so many Republicans, and because I feel Balack Hussein Osama has no experience in anything except roll call, where to go for lunch, and how to be more white. Look, it always comes down to ‘who will do less damage?’ And now that Billary lost the primary, it was down to the Anointed One, and that just makes me want to lift one cheek and let one rip. It can’t stink any worse.

But then last Friday morning, while riding the Clinton-Mukilteo ferry to work, I read about Sarah Palin on Wikipedia. This was several hours before the official announcement when she was still thought to be on McCain’s short list. I liked what I read. A runner up in the Miss Alaska pageant, a former city council member, the mayor of her home town for six years, the governor of Alaska for two years. I read that she was trying to end corruption in her State’s government, and strongly supported drilling for oil. My first impression was positive, but then came all the negative “news,” especially of her teenage daughter’s pregnancy. Of course, those stories ended up being lies fabricated by the “Liberal Left Media Elite to Elect King Barack Hussein Obama.” That’s an activist group, right? It must be considering the way CNN and NBC News are carrying on.

On Wednesday, I watched Palin’s speech at the Republican National Convention — as 40+ million others did — and was wowed! She came off as a down-to-earth, regular person that faces basically the same issues most Americans face. She didn’t appear to be another long-winded blow-hard talking out her ass. Suddenly I was liking the Republicans, and the Democrats appeared scared.

When her speech was finished, I listened as so-called experts gave their opinions. I found myself agreeing with Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh. What the hell? If the interview guest was conservative, I was applauding their viewpoints. If they were liberal democrats blowing Barack Hussein Obama‘s horn, I was getting irritated and yelling at the TV. Am I really leaning to the right now? Am I becoming [gasp] a Republican? Tina found all this highly amusing. I, however, can’t stop anxiously running my hand over my buzzcut head in wide-eyed disbelief. So, I checked with the Internets and found a small quiz. I scored “63% Republican.” Shit! Another more exhaustive test puts me slightly on the authoritarian right than the libertarian left of a political compass.

Holy finger-snapping hell, man! When did this happen? When did I start agreeing with the conservative right? Do I have a stomach flu, or is that the Republican in me making me queasy? How did I become a Republican? Somewhere in eastern Washington, a friend of mine is laughing.

Certainly these right-minded views weren’t fed to me with a silver spoon. I spent most of my childhood in middle-class suburban Philadelphia. Growing up, my immediate family didn’t go to church, and we never talked politics. To this day I don’t believe in a God. This can’t be! I’ve never (ever!) thought about soliciting gay sex in an airport bathroom, and never wondered what it would be like to shoot an old man in the face.

Now that I think about it, I can name a few I wouldn’t mind shooting… but that’s a topic for another blog update.

I guess you’ve figured out by now that I plan on voting this November, and who I will vote for. If you know me, that’s probably a big surprise. Then again, you probably don’t care.

Maybe you’re wondering what the hell the picture associated with this blog update is all about. After McCain selected Palin, the democrats were spouting off about her perceived inexperience as a politician. Of course, Balack Hussein Osama's experience has been questioned for 19 months as he criss-crossed his 57 states, but we all forgot about that. What I found odd were the pundits and self-proclaimed media elite comparing Palin to Obama. Suddenly, everyone was comparing Palin’s obvious executive leadership to King Hussein’s… well, to his “present” votes. It was fascinating to watch these so-called experts compare the apple VP candidate to the orange presidential candidate. Tina actually said “they’re not comparing apples to oranges, they’re comparing melons to nuts,” which is simply excellent!

Finally, take a look at this brief job description: …the head of the executive branch of government and the commander-in-chief of the military forces… has a duty to enforce laws, the power to either approve or veto bills passed by the Legislature, power to convene the Legislature, and to grant pardons, except in cases of impeachment. Sounds pretty presidential, huh? That’s basically the job of a State Governor in a nut shell, uh… melon rind. I’ll also remind you that of the 43 presidents in our country’s history, 17 were State Governors. Eight of the 18 presidents since 1901 have been State Governors. And there have been three presidents that were city mayors. So before anyone starts casting doubts about experience, maybe we should all do a little brushing up on our high school government history lessons.

Well, this is where I’ll leave you… let the flaming commence! I’m sorry to have to bring up politics, but they are a waste of fucking time, and that fits in with the title of this site.

The racial and gender bias in the 2008 Democratic primaries was an issue whether or not we as a Nation wanted to admit it. You know there are a lot of narrow-minded racists in this country that would never vote for a black turd. There are an equal number of misogynist cocks that would never cast their vote for a female douche. It’s not hard to see where the votes for these two candidates came from.

Balack Osama, riding an overwhelming wave of African-American support, killed Billary in most big cities, while she lynched him (metaphorically, goddammit. metaphorically!) in rural areas. In fact, the success of any black candidate for any office can be directly correlated to the proportion of African-Americans in the population. Why do you think three of the past four mayors of Philadelphia (dating back to 1984) have been black? According to the 2000 Census, 45% of Philly is white, 43.2% is black. I grew up in Philly, and I remember the racial tension of the campaigns when the city elected its first black mayor. Even after Goode‘s popularity waned following the MOVE investigation, he was still re-elected. Amazing! All this just proves my point. There doesn’t have to be more blacks in an electoral area, there just has to be a somewhat equal percentage of blacks and white… and with those numbers, black candidates are more likely to be elected to office. In predominately whites areas, black electoral success is not so easy. I wonder what would happen if both parties threw us a curve ball. In 2016, if the Democratic party nominated a cunt… we’ll call her Oprah, and the Republican party nominated a cocksucker, oh, let’s say openly gay comedian Scott Thompson (yeah, I know he’s Canadian). I think this country would loose its fucking mind. Congress would outlaw watermelon, fried chicken, rainbow parties, and maple leafs for sure!

Anyway, let me make myself clear. I am not a fan of Balack Osama. In fact, I’d have rather had a president with tits (and I don’t mean McCain’s man tits). The point of this blog entry is certainly not to defend race- or gender-based political decision making. I’m just pointing out that it exists and that it will be a factor in the upcoming general election. In fact, when the Democrats started jockeying for the 2008 nomination back in, shit, 1972 I think, I wanted Billary to be president because it would piss off so many republicans. But now Billary has bowed out and we’re left with Osama and Old Man McCain. Doesn’t it worry anyone that McCain is 71 and wants to be president? What if he died after being elected? Fuck, George Carlin died at 71, people! (And if you weren’t paying attention, I used all seven of George’s words you can never say on television above. Rest in peace, George.)

Anyway, I’m leaning towards wanting Balack Osama to win… but for reasons that aren’t so clear.

As a country, I think we must nominate and elect an African American. Seriously, how will the rest of the world view the U.S. if we don’t nominate a black man for President? We’d be seen as the racist, war mongering assholes that we were 230 years ago, sans the powdered wigs. If we elect Balack Osama, every single race card in America expires! No shit! Think about it. “Yo dawg, I not be gettin’ dat job at da McDonald’s because I is black.” Ugh, sorry my negro friend, you did not get the job because ebonics is your primary language and you have more “bling” on your teeth than Mr. T wore in The A-Team. There would be no more affirmative action. No longer could the race card be effectively used against us cracker-ass crackers! Whites and blacks would be on equal footing. If anyone tried to play the race card, all we’d have to do is point to a picture of our black president. Shit, I’d carry a picture of Balack Osama in my wallet! The so-called race card would be as useful as little orange $500 Monopoly bills at the gas pump… or, as my uncle Bob used to say, “as useful as a limp dick in a whorehouse.”

Gas prices fucking suck! There’s not a whole lot more I can say than that. I’d have bet all the sweat on my nut sack plus three quarters, a nickel, and two pennies (that’s all I got, man) that I’d never long for the days of $3.30 a gallon gas. Just a dollar lower than today’s ass-raping prices would save me $132 a month. When we started this commute from hell to Seattle (also known as hell), gas prices were about $2.30 a gallon. Now they’re nearly double! Personally, I don’t give two squirts of camel shit why the prices are so goddamn high. Someone, be it A-rabs, the government, big oil companies, or little green martians, needs to do something about the price of gas in this fucking country before the price of everything is out of the reach of us middle-aged white guys making forty to fifty thousand a year. Seriously! The price of everything (and by everything, I mean everyfuckingthing) is going up and up thanks to the high cost of fuel. Of course, salary isn’t rising to match the rising cost of everything. Increased spending plus stagnant earning equals no money. Anyone else see a problem here?

That’s all I got. It’s too hot to write any more. Where the hell did this sweltering heat come from? The first 20 days of “June-uary” barely made it to 65°F here in the northwest of the Pacific Northwest. Now it’s June 29, and we’re in the middle of a near-record heat wave. Someone turn off the furnace! My butt crack is a canyon of swamp-ass! Simply excrement!

I have a tale to tell about my right knee, but I’ll wait until I get back from the doctor about that. I was supposed to see the doc on the 20th, but missed the appointment because of shitty traffic from Seattle to Whidbey Island. That appointment was rescheduled for July 3.

Anyway, are you as tired of all this political horseshit as I am? This ceaseless parade of ass-kissing and back-stabbing started back in January of 2007. January of 2007! Jesus Christ, that’s fully two years before the new President takes the oath of office. Are you kidding me? Lately, it seems that there’s always an election going on. If it’s not local, it’s state, congressional, presidential, or American Idol and Big Brother. Someone make it stop before I photoshop again!

Of course, everyone has jumped on Obama‘s bandwagon even though the bandwagon has no destination. “C’mon people, jump on board! I’m fired up and taking this bandwagon straight to the White House!” The White House… oh, the irony of it all. I think people like him because he’s not a Bush or Clinton. Think about it. The 18 year olds voting in this election were born in 1989 or 1990. King George I was in office from 1989 to 1993. Prince William the Adulterer from 1993 to 2001, and King George II since 2001. I’m chalking the popularity of Osama up to being someone different than the past 20 years. A change…

However, I’ve been saying it weeks before Super Tuesday, and people are finally starting to see it for themselves — the man doesn’t say anything! Oh, words do come out of his face, and they are eloquent words. He has a natural knack for talking that makes people listen… but so did our first black president, Bill Clinton. He talks about America needing change. What? Are we panhandling? Jingling a tin cup on the street corner of Earth? What fucking change are you talking about, Mr. Osama? The country needs a new direction. Two words: TomTom. He’s fucking fired up for some reason; I still haven’t heard why. I just want him to give us a plan. Scribble it on a napkin. Send us a text message. Something! Maybe if he’d share his presidential agenda I could grow to like him… if I could just see past his Muslim-sounding name.

But if not Osama, are democrats supposed to choose Billary? I actually like some of what she’s saying… but she’s a Clinton… She’s Hillary Rodham Clinton. She can’t be bargained with. She can’t be reasoned with. She doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And she absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead… and that’s when it’s not that time of the month. I have to admit, putting a gun to my head and forcing me to choose a democratic candidate, I’d have to pick Billary… if for no other reason than to hear the introduction, “Ladies and gentlemen, Madam President and the First Gentleman.”

I think South Park said it best; douche or turd.

And with all this jaw-jacking out our ass about change, I can’t help but think we’re going backwards. The economy is tanking, but The White House refuses to use the “R”” word. It sure feels like were inching closer and closer to our past: gas prices are high because of “shortages,” the president’s approval rating is in the porcelain poop catcher, and Knight Rider and American Gladiators are on television. What the fuck, people? Did my soul-crushing commute cause me to drift into an anti-Rip Van Winklesque sleep, where I awoke in the past? I swear, I was flipping channels on the satellite the other night and found the Harlem Globetrotters playing basketball. Not a repeat of old Globetrotters games. Oh no. A brand new batch of players, and they were playing the Washington Generals! I’m not making this shit up! If Welcome Back, Kotter makes a comeback, oh my god, I’m gonna crap my pants. I know the writers are on strike, but seriously, do we really need to see Knight Rider again? It was a terrible show to begin with. No amount of Ford muscle car is going to make it any better. Give it a rest.

Well, it’s kinda short… but I’ll have another update before the end of February.