What A Fucking Waste Of Time

Just like NASA’s testing of the early Atlas and Titan rockets of the late 1950s and 1960s, SunRocket has crashed and burned, leaving more than 200,000 customers stranded without reliable VoIP phone service.

If you’ve been a long-time reader, or gave up masturbating one weekend to read through past entries of this horse shit, you’ll remember I tried SunRocket's service in January of 2006. I wasn’t too impressed. I talked a couple of former Kwik-E-Mart employees who apparently couldn’t hack it in the cut-throat Squishee industry, and they kept asking me to spoof my MAC address. I eventually sent their Gizmo back to Virginia after canceling service.

Well, in May, I got an email from SunRocket asking me to come back. The email said they had improved their service and technical support. It offered me service for $19.95 a month, free setup, a free Gizmo with free shipping, and the first two months free. That’s a lot of goddamn “free,” people, and SunRocket had a richer feature set than Vonage. I figured, “Why not?”

I got the new Gizmo, and the service worked flawlessly right out of the box. The Gizmo was a newer Linksys device, and it was a simple drop-in replacement for my Vonage adapter. The service was stable, too. There were no dropped calls with crystal clear audio. Things were as perfect as a virgin’s puckered balloon knot.

Apparently, though, SunRocket’s ass was about to fall out, because they were laying people off left and right. The final blow came Monday when they laid off over 200 customer support techs and put a “fuck off and die” message on their phone number. I’m paraphrasing here, folks. Their web page also has a big fuck off on it (at least at this time).

I have to apologize to Tina. I tried calling her four different times within 10 minutes on Monday evening. There was no answer despite having four (yes, four) cordless phones throughout the house, including one in the shitter. I came home and bitched at her for not answering the phone. She said it didn’t ring, but when I called from my cell phone in front of her, the goddamn phones lit up like I was at a PBS pledge drive. I now know that SunRocket’s demise was the reason why the phone didn’t ring. So, to Tina: I’m sorry for being a grouchy little bitch.

Luckily, I was never charged for service by SunRocket. They closed the doors before my two month trial was over. I also never canceled Vonage. All I had to do to switch back to Vonage was walk Tina through swapping the Gizmo for the Vonage adapter… and she did that with little instructions via jabber. Other people I work with, who were also using SunRocket, weren’t so lucky. They have to find a new VoIP provider.

On a completely different topic, I really hate the west coast for its selection of good food. I grew up in Philadelphia, where food is food! The east coast is where good food was born, apparently. I think I’ve talked about this topic before, but it’s really pissing me off, lately. Cheesecake… why is it so difficult to find a good, deep and rich New York-style cheesecake with graham cracker crust out here on the west coast? Where I work, they like to celebrate your birthday by gathering up the employees who aren’t up to their asses in alligators and sing Happy Birthday to You over a cake of your choice. This Sunday is my birthday. When the “birthday committee” asked me my favorite cake, why wouldn’t I say cheesecake? However, the cake they got was not cheesecake. The girls of the birthday committee do a good job of getting a cake and a card signed by everyone. I’m sure they’re limited by the bakery as to what they can purchase, and I really am appreciative of the effort… but cheesecake does not have yellow sponge cake in it! The cake they got had sponge cake on the bottom layer with raspberry jam between a cheesy cream topping that had the consistency of soft margarine. It was tasty, but it wasn’t cheesecake like I know cheesecake. If you really want to try a good east coast cheesecake, take the time to try my cheesecake recipe.

Most people have never heard of a hoagie on the west coast. They’re called subs here, and only seems to be sold by chain stores, like Subway. On a side note… how cool is Wikipedia for having a separate article for hoagies? I thought for sure they’d lump it in with “submarine sandwiches.” Anyway, Subway sandwiches are not hoagies. I can make a better sandwich with hot dog buns and pre-packaged, pre-sliced, vacuum-packed cold cuts from the grocery store… and I so wish I could punch that faggoty-ass Jared Fogle in the throat. If you make a hoagie the way it’s supposed to be made, you’re not going to lose weight. Processed meats high in fat, oil and/or mayonnaise, and cheese — glorious cheese — make a good hoagie. It’s not supposed to be good for you, which is why a hoagie is so goddamn delicious! Jared’s corporate-paid ass is eating lettuce and tomato sandwiches with a turkey condiment; no cheese, no oil or mayo. Let’s call a spade a spade, eh?

A good Philly cheesesteak is even more difficult to find on the left coast. I went to Arby's last night for dinner, since I got home so late. They had a Philly beef sub advertised at the drive-thru squawk box menu, so I thought I would try it. Big mistake. It was very small for a “sub.” The meat was roast beef, instead of steak. I mean, c’mon… roast beef?! And worst yet, it was loaded with mayonnaise. Mayo? What the fuck is mayo doing on a cheesesteak? It tasted like, well, it tasted like a roast beef sandwich with mayo, not even remotely close to a Philly cheesesteak. Shit! In today’s litigious world, maybe the city of Philadelphia should look into suing anyone that makes a “Philly” steak sandwich that doesn’t use steak and white American cheese or cheez whiz. Roast beef and mayonnaise does not a Philly cheesesteak make!

This isn’t rocket science, people. There’s quite a few million east coast transplants on the west coast that would love authentic (or at least close to authentic) east coast food. I’m not saying you can’t find a decent sandwich out here. There are a few places that have carved out a niche business for themselves, making food that passes for east coast food, but it’s never convenient, and always too far away… Of course, if you want some Taylor pork roll, or Scrapple, or even some Tastykakes and Herr's potoato chips, you have to place an order on the Internet.

Where’s my credit card?