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Is it just me? Is anyone else irritated that text messaging lingo has leaked out of the ether and into the English language? I’m guessing there’s been plenty of shit written about the fears of text messaging and tweeting shortcuts ruining the English language. A quick Google search proves I am correct, so I won’t pile on… much.
You can’t open a browser or use a smartphone without seeing some form of abbreviated text, like OMG and LOL, both of which have officially been added to the Oxford English Dictionary. Don’t get me wrong; I get it. Our language changes with time. Words often become archaic while others are brand new. Abraham Lincoln never once asked for an “update” or a “cheeseburger,” just as we don’t say such douchey words as “hitherto” or “verily” today.
However, I think we’ve taken the text messaging slang too far. I’m guilty of using OMG, LOL, WTF, and even LMAO… but only while texting or using social networks. I’ve even started using LMBO recently. While sending messages, you’re often limited to 140 to 160 characters, so abbreviations help you save save space when expressing a lengthy thought. Back in the day of flip phones, sending text messages required a lot of button presses because there are only 12 buttons on the keypad. All this key mashing using multi-tap, T9, and iTAP lead to a serious case of Blackberry thumb. So I understand why there are so many abbreviations in texting.
Like it or not, they’re now ingrained in our lives. We either accept it or fail to communicate. But I think letting it infiltrate our language like a virus is wrong, and because I’m old, it’s pissing me off!
In addition to the OED‘s inclusion of WTF, OMG and LOL, they’ve also added the heart symbol created by using the “less than” symbol and the number 3. <3 or ♥. Really? It’s not even a goddamn word! Do we really need a book to tell us that the shape of a heart means love? Hasn’t anyone ever heard of Valentine’s Day? Don’t we all know what “I♥NY” means? How would you even “spell” that in order to look it up? I can imagine some douche canoe phonetically trying to sound it out — like pneumonia or xylophone — looking in the N or Z section, respectively, then throwing the dictionary in frustration. Ha!
Never in my life have I yearned for a reference book to explain the shape of my Russel Stover chocolates box, because I went to school where I learned shapes. And gave out Valentines to classmates. Fuck, maybe second graders don’t do Valentine cards anymore. Somewhere along the line, ONE tofu-eating, tree-hugging church-goer probably wrote a letter, informing the school districts that Valentine’s Day cards will lead to polygamy or homosexuality. We all know that Valentine’s Day promotes promiscuity and fornication amongst seven year olds boys, right? And we can’t have that! But I digress. Let’s get back to language, shall we?
Text messaging has even found its way into advertising. Not only are companies using SMS technology to entice people with their wares, they’re using the lingo in their advertising, as well. Burger King has recently been using OMG, BFF, and LOL in posters (as seen in this photo) at their drive-thrus. Here’s a screen capture showing Unilever using OMG to hawk Degree antiperspirant/deodorant to girls. Oh, there’s more. Here’s another photo showing that even television networks can’t help themselves when advertising their shows. And this photo shows a jewelry store’s ad that really goes over the top, both in SMS lingo and lack of class. I can’t help but wonder what my grandparents would think of these ads. “Those electronic doodads are rotting your brain. What does ‘lawl’ and ‘omagah’ mean? What the hell is a ‘roffle?’”
But it doesn’t stop at lexicons and commercials. This annoying text lingo is even pervading into our spoken language. There’s probably not an American alive that hasn’t said “oh my gosh” once in their lives, or literally laughed out loud. But I’ve actually heard people say “oh em gee.” C’mon! It’s the same number of syllables! Just say “oh my god” instead of sounding like a Speak & Spell. On a phone, “OMG” is three characters, not nine, and typing those three characters should be… five button presses if I recall. But in spoken word, there’s no need to say “oh em gee” unless you think you sound cool. I submit you sound like an illiterate stuttering hump!
I was in the checkout line of my local Albertsons a few weeks ago and overheard a couple of teenage spawn of a soccer mom talking about whatever adolescent zit farms talk about. One was relaying some story that involved teasing a friend about a new haircut. Peppered with several “likes” and “uhs,” the tale ended with “…and I was lawlzing!” Seriously? Say “laughing,” you walking collection of oozing pustules! If I could have gotten away with it, that punky bastard would have been crying his eyes out while holding his bleeding head beneath the Certs and Snickers bars. I’d have bounced a can of Bush’s baked beans off his skull.
Similar to text messaging slang outside smartphones and social networks, the shortening of everyday words makes me want to punch people square in the trachea. Apparently, if you were born during the Clinton administration, you have a mineral deficiency, or something, that prevents you from pronouncing complete words. “Peeps” is the most common. It’s short for “people.” What’s wrong with the entire word? Are the people using these shortened words lacking a muscle in the vocal tract that causes linguistic fatigue, or have people become so lazy they can’t be bothered to finish a word? “Where my peeps?” Fuck you, it’s people! And who HAS people? Unless you’re a rich white guy from the 18th Century living on a plantation, you have peers… or friends if you’re lucky. “Peeps” are those marshmallow baby chickens you eat at Easter. And if by now you think I’m just an angry old American bitching about slang ruining English, try looking up peeps at Wikipedia. It’s already started; “peeps” redirects to “people.” It’s PEOPLE!
Unless you watch nothing but PBS on television, you’ve undoubtedly heard many of these syllabically-challenged words uttered by Generation TEXT these days: “Sitch” for situation, “obvi” for obviously, or my favorite (or should I say “fave?”) is “totes” for totally. Others include “probs” for probably and “trubs” for trouble. I’m about ready to have an “aneur.”
People using these Internet memes sound “redic” (ridiculous)! “What’s goin’ on?” “Oh, the uge (usual).” Jesus! I thought I was a lazy sonofabitch, but at least I can complete the pronunciation of a damn word! Seri! (seriously.) I don’t think I’ll ever understand why spoken words have to be shortened. I understand why we shorten typed words, but can anyone explain why zitsters born after the Cold War ended feel the need to speak so lackadaisically by shortening words? It’s stupid shit like this that furthers my slide into full-on misanthropy and sends my blood pressure to ranges that will require prescriptions.
If U uz short wrdz IRL, I h8 U all.
LOL, thats so funny. How redic is this meme?