What A Fucking Waste Of Time

…to a smaller office suite in the sky. But before I get to that, I have to associate my use of “The Company” with the movie Office Space. In the past, I likened “The Company” to some Government-funded project, using “The Company” to hide my employer’s name. However, I watched Office Space (again) last weekend, and laughed at the similarities between Initech and the company that employs my sorry ass. We’ve got burnt out, over-stressed, and underpaid employees working with Lumberghesque managers. Hell, we even have an employee that went around asking co-workers if they’ve seen his red stapler, which was left on top of my desk after running a network cable. Some of us are a little worried that he might even set the building on fire someday. It’s been several years since I watched Office Space, and now that I work in an environment that closely resembles Initech, I found the movie highly comical. So, from this point forward, whenever I mention “The Company,” just imagine the workplace dynamics of Initech from Office Space and you’ll have a pretty good idea of what I’m talking about. Excellent.

Okay… It was around this time last year I wrote about The Company moving to a nice big office suite in the Westin Building in downtown Starbucksville. The idea was to combine the Redmond office and the Oak Harbor office and put everyone in one large office and create a big happy work family. That worked about as well as FEMA‘s response to Hurricane Katrina. In Oak Harbor, we had a happy workplace that was pretty much free from the typical office environment. We all liked each other and got along well, we liked our managers and our managers were understanding and accommodating. We had regular staff meetings, and we all knew our place in the office. Then we moved to Seattle, and the oscillating fan started flinging poo everywhere. I’m sure that most in The Company don’t see it, but there’s a definite perception that the people who went to Seattle from Oak Harbor don’t get the same consideration that the people from Redmond get. It’s like The Company is the United States and us Oak Harbor people are North Korea trying to become a nucular state… we’re just not recognized! Shit, there’s even one person that seems to act like we have AIDS, or something… barely eking out a grunt in response to a morning salutation.

But, the real purpose of this update is to talk about a move. With all the talk of needing more space, expanding, and being directly connected to our network in the prestigious Westin Building, The Company is moving… into a space that’s half the size of the current space, and only marginally larger than the old Redmond office we moved from about a year ago.

Don’t get the wrong idea. The Company didn’t blow its wad on pay raises for managers and owners then go and buy Porsches and Ferraris. No, the Westin Building came to us and asked if we would be willing to move. Apparently, the building is completely leased — no vacancies — and the evil Telcos need more space. Since The Company leases the entire floor, the building management saw disrupting one company for the most floor space a win-win situation. Our new space is directly next door to the Westin, and directly connected like the Westin. Commute times won’t change; only the mailing address will. And since the Westin asked us to move, they’re reimbursing for the relocation.

Anyway… since the new office is so small, there’s not enough room to give everyone a private office. Not to beat a dead horse, but in another display of preferential love, all but one from the former Oak Harbor crew is being crammed into a cubicle no bigger than a prison cell or the Unabomber‘s cabin… and they have walls and a door! Even our tech support manager of over seven years is being shoved into a three-wall but no-door corner in a fantastic show of appreciation. Attaboy! On the other hand, everyone from the former Redmond office is getting a private office, albeit small. C’mon, tell me that appears fair. I currently share a large office with one other person in my department. I have a large desk with three monitors, a mini-fridge, a microwave, a bookcase, and some framed pictures. I had the same setup in the Oak Harbor office. In the new office cubicle, the microwave and fridge are gone. The bookcase? Gone. Picture frames? Gone. I ain’t got no stinkin’ walls come next week. I get to keep my desk, though. Woohoo. In all fairness, the new private offices are much smaller than the current offices, and The Company is getting rid of quite a bit of unneeded furniture. But I can’t help but see the favoritism. Maybe I’m out of line with my opinion, but this isn’t the first example of bias and I doubt it’ll be the last.

I’m starting to feel a little nomadic, too. First I work in Oak Harbor, then in the Westin Building in Seattle, next week it’ll be the Active Voice Building… and all I want to do is move back to the old Oak Harbor office and hold a normal 8-to-5 job with a normal “commute.”

A year ago, Tina and I were looking to move to the Seattle area, or at least close enough so that I didn’t have a soul-crushing commute from Oak Harbor to Hell and back. I still want to own a house someday, but the housing market took a giant shit, making it really difficult to do so. And the median home price in King County is $500,000. Who the fuck am I? Rockefeller? Holy fucknuggets, man, you have to be paid like a king to live in King County. While I might qualify for a house that expensive, I still have to pay bills, buy groceries, and put gas in my truck. Jesus Christ, half a million dollars? People have lost their motherfucking minds. For that reason, we’ve put buying a house on the back burner.

That’s all I got on the big move. Wasn’t really worth waiting for, was it?

One last note on football. I finished up writing about the move while the Seahawks played a dismal game against the Stealers in a Super Bowl XL rematch. The ‘Hawks were shutout, and played like a high school team. But what pissed me off more was the FOX announcers. Joe Buck and Troy Aikman called the game, and they did nothing but praise the Stealers, like they were sucking Pittsburgh’s cock, or something. It seemed like a rematch in more ways than one. So, in honor of their play calling, and because I’m concerned about their haberdashery, I present them with a new lobster bib.