I’ll bet you thought I was going to write about something else when you saw that subject, eh? Nope. I’m talking about football. Finally! No more baseball, no more Mojo Rising. No more golf, no more FedEx Cup standings. It’s time for football, bitches! Finally!
Of course, the season was full of distractions before the Kickoff game even got underway. If you don’t know about Michael Vick and his dog fighting ring, where the fuck have you been? Go crawl back under your rock and stop reading my blog. Vick was suspended from the NFL indefinitely, pending the outcome of his court battle with the Federal Government and the state of Virginia. Good luck, Mike… you dog-killing, ass bandit motherfucker. I hope Goodell bans you from the NFL for life. You don’t deserve to play Madden NFL 07, let alone play in the NFL.
Then we have Wade Wilson, quarterback coach for the Dallas Cowboys who was busted for purchasing “medication — believed to be human growth hormone — that is banned under the League’s substance abuse policy.” Wilson’s punishment is a five game suspension and $100,000 fine. Ouch! Also, Tank Johnson of the Chicago Bears and Chris Henry of the Cincinnati Bengals were suspended for the first eight games of the season, without pay, for violating the League’s personal conduct policy.
Who else? Oh shit, Pacman Jones of the Tennessee Titans was suspended without pay for the entire season for, well, being a dick. The reasons are too numerous. TV commentators joke that Jones has more arrests than interceptions since being drafted in 2005… and that’s pretty fucking sad if you ask me.
There are others: Anthony Hargrove of the Buffalo Bills, Obafemi Ayanbadejo of the Chicago Bears, Ryan Tucker of the Cleveland Browns, Jarrod Cooper of the Oakland Raiders, Rodney Harrison of the New England Patriots, ad nauseam, have all been suspended four games for violating the League’s substance abuse policy. Every one of these overpaid, materialistic fuckers who were taking steroids should be called cheaters. They’re taking steroids to gain an advantage against their counterparts. No matter how you look at it, it’s cheating. Roger Goodell and the League have a hard four-game suspension if you pop positive on a whiz quiz. I think it should be stricter — suspension without pay for the season! But, when you have Major League Baseball that seems to permit steroids (fuck you, Bonds!), what are ya gonna do?
Speaking of cheating — and the Patriots — the biggest news and most controversial fine handed down by the NFL is the “punishment” of Bill Belichick and the Patriots for Spygate. On the first Sunday of the NFL season, the New York Jets tipped off NFL security that the Patriots were videotaping the Jets’ defensive signals. Four days laster, the League fined Belicheat $500,000 and the Patriots organization $250,000. The Patriots also have to forfeit a first round draft pick if they make the 2007 playoffs, or forfeit a second and third round pick if they fail to make the 2007 playoffs. The Belicheat fine was the maximum allowed fine the NFL could levy, and the biggest fine levied against a coach in the NFL’s 87-year history. But to a coach that’s rumored to make five million a year, is that really a punishment? Yeah, ten percent of my annual net income probably wouldn’t render me homeless, but it would hurt like a bitch. But to the NFL coach of the League’s “flagship” team which is owned by company with a net income of $1.3 billion (yes billion with a B), does the three quarters of a million dollar fine really hurt them? Allow me the opportunity to say, “Fuck no!”
Yeah, yeah. Whatever. All you bandwagon Patriots fans and Belicheat supporters out there can suck a big fat one. You discount the fact that the Patriots were cheating by reasoning “all teams in the NFL are cheating to some degree.” Maybe so, but the goddamn Patriots got caught with their hands in the VCR, motherfuckers, and they should be made an example of! You dumb-asses seem to forget the the Patriots were caught cheating in the same manner three times last season, twice in one game! How fucking blatant do you have to be? How long have they been cheating? Did cheating help them win Super Bowls? I believe it did, and I doubt you’ll ever change my mind on that belief! Did Belicheat think that because he’s the Bill Belichick of the almighty Patriots that he is immune from the League’s wrath? Fuck me, if you compare the punishment to the crime, apparently his is immune! That must be one magical fucking hoodie he wears on the sidelines. Wotta dick!
Others say the loss of a first round draft pick will hurt them a great deal. I also throw the yellow bullshit flag on that. To a team with a salary cap as large as New England’s, I seriously doubt the loss of a draft pick is going to slow them down much, if at all. The Patriots are already 3 and 0 this season — well on their way to the playoffs — and the only real penalty they’ll face is financial. Poor babies. I guess Bill and his gang of cheating steroid users will have to settle for the lesser model Cadillac… or claim a smaller charitable donation on their 2007 taxes. Hang on. Please excuse the delay while I wipe these crocodile tears from my eyes. Boo hoo.
I blame Commissioner Goodell for this injustice. Back in April of 2007, when he suspended Jones and Henry, he was quoted as saying, “We must protect the integrity of the NFL. The highest standards of conduct must be met by everyone in the NFL because it is a privilege to represent the NFL, not a right. These players, and all members of our league, have to make the right choices and decisions in their conduct on a consistent basis.” Yeah. Right. Okay. Did Goodell forget that he said this when he handed down his “punishment” to Belicheat and the Patriots? Somehow I think he did. What the fuck, Roj? Let’s see what he wrote in a letter to these players, who if you recall, were suspended for steroids or just being a punk-ass criminal. “Your conduct has brought embarrassment and ridicule upon yourself, your club, and the NFL, and has damaged the reputation of players throughout the league. You have put in jeopardy an otherwise promising NFL career, and have risked both your own safety and the safety of others through your off-field actions. In each of these respects, you have engaged in conduct detrimental to the NFL and failed to live up to the standards expected of NFL players. Taken as a whole, this conduct warrants significant sanction.” Wotta hypocritical load of shit! Being a gangsta hood off the field, or juicing “warrants significant sanctions,” yet cheating your way to three Super Bowls gets you a slap on the wrist? Bullshit, Mr. Goodell. Bull-fucking-shit, yo!
Belicheat should have been fined his half mil, he should have been suspended for the season for violating the League’s personal conduct policy, and motherfucker, he should lose ALL his first round draft picks. That would have been a truly severe penalty that would put an end to cheating by any other club that’s practicing the same tactics. If Goodell didn’t want to suspend Belicheat for violating the conduct policy, maybe a suspension for being a cocksucking cheater would have fit The Bill? Whatever the case, Goodell dropped the ball. The media, commentators, players, and fans across the League feel that the punishment is far too light for the crime that was committed. And, instead of making an example of Belicheat that would scare the fuck out of any other cheating team, Goodell has set a precedence. If you have half a million, go ahead and cheat, it’s okay. I’ll wager at least half the NFL coaches without a Super Bowl win would drop $500k in a New York second for a ring and trophy.
And I’ve completely used up all my time on one fucking rant. Keep your eyes peeled for another update before the end of September. I still have to tell you about that move I’ve been alluding to. The more I think about it, the madder I become…
I'm your typical middle-aged fat-ass struggling from paycheck to paycheck. It's the American fucking dream, don't ya know. I drive a 2005 Ford F-150 pickup truck.
Jim, another great rant, but you are still not harsh enough. Football is a game that we like to watch and expect the team and player’s skill. (Just like the Steeler’s are kicking ass this year because of skill.) Anyways, if you are caught cheating at all it should be a permanent ban and any records should be taken away. There is no way to hurt a person money wise because if you make more that a half a million a year, no fine will really hurt you. He probably is even able to put the thing on a payment schedule so he won’t even feel the pain of a 10% loss in income. I don’t give a crap about baseball but Hank Aaron is still the home run king, not Barry (I am f$%king huge because of steroids) Bonds. Let’s teach a lesson that cheater’s never prosper and permently remove these a$$holes from the game permenantly. That will make the players ask what the trainers really are injecting them with.