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Yesterday was System Administrator Appreciation Day around the world. It’s supposed to be a day where the corporate world recognizes the hard, thankless work of their IT department, similar to Secretaries' Day with fewer blow jobs. It’s been celebrated for the past eight years… except where I work. It’s not because the company doesn’t appreciate it’s system administrators… or so I keep telling myself. I mean, they could appreciate us a little more in the wallet. No, it’s because the past two Sysadmin Days, we’ve had server crashes. Last year, one of our major hosting servers lost not one, but two hard drives from a RAID 10 array. So, superstition got the better of them, and they refused to celebrate with punch and pie. Cowards. I couldn’t resist teasing the imaginary natural order of the universe, though. I wished them “HaPpY SySaDmIn DaY” more than once and got replies of “Shut up!” I even tried to summon “Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!” It was all fun… and there were no casualties in any of our data centers. Maybe now that the curse is broken, we can celebrate in 2008.
I dropped LDriver off at his house after our soul-sucking commute (complete with highway death) and was heading home. It was a very pleasant evening, so I had the windows rolled down and the stereo cranked. After a stop at a red light, I set cruise control at 40 mph. As I was driving through a school zone, I looked in the rear view mirror and saw the red and blue flashing lights of a sheriff’s deputy behind me. Goddammit, not again! What the hell did I do wrong? I looked at my speedometer, and I was at exactly 40. I had my seat belt on, and with the exception of one of three bulbs in my CHMSL tail light, I know my lights are working. Fuck! I hit the turn signal and pulled over to the side of the road… only to watch the deputy speed by me on his way to someplace else. Excellent! Pass the pipe!
If you read my previous blog update, I was whining like a liberal about Philly cheesesteaks on the west coast. Sick Tech “Ditech” Jake suggested I combine and sell Philly food with domain hosting. Only priests molesting young boys at church is only slightly more stupid. Tina, however, came to my rescue with a suggestion of porn and Philly food. I was laughing with LDriver about Tina’s idea on the way home last night, and I told him I’d come up with some pictures. After some surprisingly easy Photoshopping, I came up with several cool-yet-NSFW pictures that you might find funny… or slightly disturbing. You can find those pictures here, here, here, here, and here. And you thought Ron Jeremy had a lot of meat.
Last weekend, I took my truck to have the oil changed. I’ve been going to Jiffy Lube since I bought the truck last summer, but Jiffy Lube always wanted to sell me 700 other services from new wiper blades to rusty trombones to flushing every drop of fluid in the truck. On top of that, the last time Jiffy Lube changed the oil, their dumb-ass grease monkey stripped the oil plug. They told me they did it, and even replaced the plug with a new one, and took $40 off my final bill. Fast forward to last weekend. I decided to try Wal-Mart‘s Tire & Lube Express Center. I didn’t want to take it to Jiffy Lube again after reading all the shit at jiffylubeproblems.com. I know other people that go to Wal-Mart without trouble… so why not?
After shopping in the store, I made my way back to their waiting area. Fifteen minutes later, a female tech came in and told me the plug on the oil pan was stripped, and she could not drain the oil. Fuck. I immediately thought of that dicked oil plug at Jiffy Lube. Wal-Mart put on a new filter and topped off the oil for free. I offered to pay for what they did, but they said because they couldn’t complete the service, they couldn’t charge me. Now I can’t get the oil changed until I get the oil pan replaced. The cheapest price I could find for just the oil pan is $60 plus shipping. That doesn’t include the gasket or labor. Goddamn Jiffy Lube.
Well, that’s all for now… I’m too tired… and, uhh… buzzed to keep writing.
I bet I could get the fucking oil plug off with either:
A: A pipe wrech
or
B: square jaw Vice Grips
Maybe you oughta come over and see if I can get that fucker off Jim. I have seen and done it before.
This is also why I change my own oil.
I used to change the oil in my Mustang… but I’m getting too old for all that “jack the vehicle up, crawl around on the ground, drain the oil, change the filter” bullshit. It’s worth $47 to me to have someone else put synthetic oil in my truck. Shit, six quarts at $6 each for 10W30 Mobil 1 is $36 at Schucks. Add another $5 for an oil filter, and we’re already at $41 and I haven’t even started yet. The oil and lube bay will add windshield washer fluid, add fluid to the differential(s) and transmission, add power steering fluid, inflate the tires to the correct pressure, vacuum the carpets, and wash your windshield. They also check your battery, air filter, wiper blades, and all exterior lighting… for $47 at Wal-Mart. Well, I’ll get charged a little extra since the truck needs 6 quarts of oil… Then, I don’t have to take the used oil anywhere when I’m done, and I get to sit in an air conditioned room for an hour while they do the work. Convenience, baby! It’s the American way!
Great post. You really are a good writer. Keep it up. Makes me miss hanging out with you an Vmann
Convenience can be a good thing. However, for those individuals who like to see a fella on his back under a car getting sweaty and greasy then all showered and clean end up missing out.
Thank goodness that’s not the end of the proverbial “Honey-do” list of activities that get a fella that way.
Did you ever get your plug fixed? I have a pipe wretch here we can try and save you the money of buying the whole god forsaken pan! I would also try going back to jiffy lube and punching the manager in the balls and then making him get back up and watch him get the old plug out.
I miss you too Yoshi