For the good of the Proletariat
Posted on June 17, 2007, by wafwot, under General.
I drove my gas-guzzling, 11-miles-to-the-gallon F-150 truck to Seattle on Friday, like my work товарищи and I do every Friday. The commute down was like any other morning, but the return trip was about as much fun as Fiberglas insulation in your underwear. Rush hour traffic on I-5 North was heavy or stop-and-go for the first two and a half hours of our soul-crushing trek back home. It was 7:30pm by the time we inched our way through Everett and Marysville, a 35-mile trip that usually takes 60 to 75 minutes.
Shortly after Marysville, the speed picked up and we were soon hurling towards Mount Vernon at seventy five miles per hour. As we entered the Skagit Valley, a state patrol car had a driver pulled over on the side of the highway, so everyone slowed their roll. Just as I passed the patrol car, he pulled onto the highway, and immediately hit his lights again, directly behind me. Goddammit, what the fuck was I doing? I was in the center lane, doing 65 mph in a 70 zone, and I wasn’t following too close. Shit! I made my way to the side of the highway and reached into my glove compartment for proof of insurance and registration. As Officer Barney made it to my window, the first words out of his mouth were, “Why aren’t you wearing your seat belt?”
Jesus Christ! Are you kidding me? Thinking quickly, I told Mr. Fife that we just spent more than 2 hours in stop and go traffic, and I removed it because it’s uncomfortable. Hey, half of what I said was true! The trooper took my papers, including my recently-acquired 2008 sticker for the license plate. He actually applied the tab to the rear plate for me before calling into KGB headquarters to verify my state-issued credentials. Barney was only gone five minutes before he darkened my window again, handing me registration, drivers license, and a green citation for $112. Simply excellent!
Sweet merciful gods of traffic am I ever thankful that our government is patrolling our highways and byways, hunting out and fining the drivers who aren’t wearing their seat belts. Drivers who eat meals, fuck with their TomToms or stereos, talk on their cell phones, or even text message their friends have absolutely no affect on accident statistics. Nope. Not like us insensitive cock heads who don’t wear our seat belts. It’s the selfish motherfuckers like me, that choose not to wear a seat belt that need to be dealt with. We’re a scourge! We’re killing everyone in our path and we must be stopped before we… ride without a belt again!
How fucking retarded are we?
Don’t get me wrong. I do not dispute the facts that wearing your seat belt increases the likelihood of surviving an accident. I’ve read the numbers that say more than 11,000 lives are saved each year simply because victims were wearing their seat belts. And I believe that children should be forced to wear seat belts, because they don’t know any better. But should our government be passing laws that mandate we must wear seat belts? Undeniably, drivers and their passengers who wear seat belts are less likely to die in the event of an accident. Our government sees that as reason enough for mandatory seat belt laws, since saving lives is what seems to butter their balloon knot. However, eating healthy and abstaining from alcohol and cigarettes, for example, are also excellent ways to extend your life cycle… save lives. Why hasn’t our government made healthy eating mandatory? Last time I checked, McDonald's and Hostess are raking in billions, and the bar scene in every American town is thriving. No mandatory laws about not drinking or smoking, are there? As long as you’re 18 years old or older, you can smoke all the cigarettes you want, and drive at the same time. Just make sure you’re wearing your magical life-saving seat belt.
What’s more surprising is not wearing your seat belt is a primary infraction. That means a police officer can pull you off the highway and fine you for exercising your personal freedom of choice. If you’re doing nothing more than driving your vehicle without the use of a restraining device, you will be cited and forced to pay a fine. It sounds about as stupid as ticketing someone who’s wearing orange on Saint Patrick's Day. This is a kick to the twig and berries when you consider major distractions, such as talking or texting on a cell phone, eating a double cheeseburger, and shaving are still 100% legal (for the time being).
Oh sure, our Orwellian State has passed bills that were signed into law that makes texting and talking without a hands-free device a secondary offense. However, they don’t go into effect until January 1, 2008 (texting) and July 1, 2008 (no hands-free). A secondary offense means that you can’t be pulled over for simply being distracted while talking on the phone. Oh no, you have to actually break some other law before you can busted. I guess you have to kill a motherfucker with your car before you will be fined… all because you just had to read that last “Paris Hilton Jail Diary” text message from Fox News. Brilliant! I get pulled over and fined $112 for driving without my seat belt even though I was driving safely, under the posted speed limit, with both hands on the wheel and both eyes on the road. Meanwhile, the dickheads driving up my ass or the Asians unable to maintain a constant speed in the left-hand lane, are bouncing from rumble strip to Botts' dots while talking on their phone. They’re free to go on their happy fucking way without so much as a second glance. God bless our Stalinist utopia!
You might try to argue that our government frequently infringes on our personal freedoms and liberties, and that we don’t consider these infringements unjust. For example, we restrict a driver’s right to drive as fast as they want. Why? Because driving like A.J. Foyt tweakin’ on meth will might injure other drivers on the road. This law is morally okay since the law protects others’ right to live. Traffic laws are written to keep order and make the roads as safe as possible for everyone who uses them. However, seat belt usage only affects the seat belt wearer. If you choose to wear a seat belt, then you believe it increases your own safety… which affects no one but you. If I choose not to wear a seat belt, then I believe the seat belt is a pain in my ass… and I’m not affecting anyone but myself.
I’ve seen reasoning for mandatory seat belt laws based on the drivers who don’t wear seat belts cost our government money. Their thinking is that if I severely injured in an accident because I wasn’t wearing a seat belt, that I might require long-term hospital care or become permanently disabled and be stuck on state-funded disability. Wouldn’t that happen if I was injured in an accident while wearing my seat belt? If Hurricane Katrina taught us anything, it’s that the American people truly believe our government should be caring and providing for its citizens as if they are her children. Some people in the Gulf region, New Orleans particularly, felt the government should have stopped Katrina from making landfall… or at the very least, bought them a new Gucci bag and a plasma TV for their new government-built home. When did the country grow titties? I don’t recall the Constitution or the Bill of Rights saying anything about the government caring for your ass. This is America, goddammit! We’re not your fucking mommy!
As an American adult, we have freedoms and liberties that are granted by the Declaration of Independence. In Thomas Jefferson’s on words, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” That’s an awesome sentence! We have the right to Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. Who the fuck said Big Brother can tell me what to wear? What’s next? Is the man going to tell me I can’t eat trans fat and legislate laws that outlaw unsaturated fats? Helmet laws for pedestrians? Feeding tube laws for the Terry Schiavos on the world? Maybe knee and elbow pad laws for White House interns? It’s a very slippery slope when lawmakers write laws to protect us from ourselves.
Did our government become a socialist state when I wasn’t looking? Did I miss an announcement that said our government will provide for us and take care of us? If we’re not careful, we’ll cross over into totalitarianism… then we may as well line a bird cage with the charter documents that our forefathers wrote and so many people died protecting. Just imagine the state-operated television commercials: “For the good of the Proletariat:
- All male citizens must wear a clean oxford dress shirt, black slacks, a black wool tie, and black wingtips.
- Women will remain at home, cook food, keep house, raise children, and only speak when spoken to.
- Couples of opposite sex must copulate in late summer for a spring birth.
- Couples will raise three offspring total.
- Any more than one female offspring conceived will be euthanized.
- The color of your domicile shall be olive drab or battleship gray.
- All citizens will take their government-supplied vitamin-enriched dietary supplement.
- Drivers of the roadways must wear their seat belts.
- Failure to comply will result in смерть.”
I’m not being funny. We’re not too far from this kind of thinking here in the United States, and it all starts with seat belts, trans fat, and the PATRIOT Act.
I’m sure there’s one or two people (all of you?) reading this thinking I’ve finally gone off the deep end. I promise you I haven’t. Some will disagree because they feel seat belts and safety are good things. While it’s hard to argue the fact, it still boils down to their personal viewpoint. They are morally and constitutionally entitled to their viewpoint, but they should not force their personal viewpoint on others. Just think about the ridiculousness of the seat belt law. Our government, in its infinite wisdom, believes we’re intelligent enough to navigate a deadly mass of steel and plastic (weighing several thousand pounds or tons) down the road reaching speeds anywhere from 25 to 70+ miles per hour, sometimes in complete darkness. But somehow, this trust eludes our lawmakers when it comes to seat belts, because suddenly we’re not smart enough to perform this simple task without wearing a seat belt. Seriously! If our government thinks I’m too fucking dumb to wear my seat belt and must pass a law to force it upon me, then why am I permitted to obtain a drivers license? It’s all about the Benjamins, baby… with a Hamilton and two Washingtons!
I personally feel mandatory seat belt laws are a way for our government to raise revenue with far less effort, to the tune of $112 per person (soon to be $124 in July 2007). The cops just sit in their patrol cars and harass otherwise honest citizens going about their lawful business, whose only “wrong doing” is not wearing a seat belt. In 2004, Washington State Troopers wrote 95,334 tickets for seat belt violations. They wrote 82,128 seat belt tickets in 2005. Using the old $101 fine, Washington collected $17,923,662 in two years from one morally incorrect law. Amazing!
Fuck, to be honest, I don’t know why I’m bitching. I live in a society that needs to put warning labels on hair dryers because some mentally challenged fucktards haven’t figured out that water and electricity don’t mix. There are warnings on crazy things like coffee cups because some litigious dumbasses forgot that coffee is HOT! One that always bugged me is the warning on small packets of silica gel; “Do not eat.” How fucking stupid do you have to be to believe that Nikon packed a handy snack in the box your new digital camera came in? Let’s drop the warning labels and mandatory safety laws so we can thin the herd a bit, with a little help from natural selection.
In the end, I’ll grumble under my breath as I write a check and pay my $112 fine. I sure hope the post office has warnings on self-stick stamps. I’d hate to lick a self-adhesive stamp and have it get stuck to my tongue. Shouldn’t the government save me from choking to death on a 41¢ square piece of paper that might lodge itself in my pharynx?
17 Replies to "For the good of the Proletariat"
LDriver on June 20, 2007
While I can sympathize with the personal freedom to let myself get killed. I don’t understand why you would want to risk death or permanent debilitating injury when you have something as simple as a belt that would reduce your risk dramatically to use. You think your wife and children would rather swab the slobber off your chin for the rest of your life, or for you be inconvenienced or uncomfortable for minutes while exercising your personal freedom and mobility? Do you think they want to say goodbye? Who’s going to make the house payment/Rent. Who are they going to talk to later? Who are they going to call Daddy?
You?
Still comfortable?
Lets face it. Waf has an accident at 70+mph the chances of that Truck rolling are around 99%. You better believe Waf is not going to be ejected from that Truck. Not completely anyway. Then all we’ll have left is 1/2 Waf and 1/2 Slim Jim to plant in the ground.
I’m not coming out of that Truck with my seatbelt on. I may have an arm come out and I may lose it, but all that will have an impact on is my sex life will be reduced by 50%.
When I drive I wear my belt. Not just so I don’t come out of the car when a FOD smashes into me, but to help make sure I stay behind the wheel where I have some chance of maintaining some control and mitigating the accident as much as I can. I owe it to the guys sleeping in the back seat.
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wafwot on June 20, 2007
LOL! Good ol’ Kyle. Always bringing partisanship into the conversation. Democrats are to shit, as Republicans are to shit, and it doesn’t matter who’s in control… it’s the proletarians that suffer. However, you’re correct. There is no federal law, but the federal government passed the Transportation Equity Act for the 21st Century in 1998, which includes grant money for states to initiate new seat belt laws, traffic enforcement programs, child passenger protection, ad nauseam. Basically a bribe. “Pass a seat belt law, or we won’t give you money.” I’d wager the newly-passed child booster seat law in Washington was funded by federal money from TEA-21… which is also paying for the “increased patrols” for seat belt violators. I get pissed at Washington’s stats that say 96.5% of the State’s drivers wear seat belts. Whoopty-fucking-doo! In a study conducted for the NHTSA, more than 80% of the respondents admitted they wore seat belts because it’s required by law! “I do it because I have to, and I don’t want to get a ticket.” God bless the USA.
Kyle on June 21, 2007
I totally agree with both parties being shit, and I think your right about that booster seat law as well. I now have to pay more money out of my pocket just to put my kid in a booster seat when a seat belt will do just fine. No matter how hard the government tries it won’t ever beat death. The government doesn’t care about our safety and well being, it cares about keeping all the taxpayers alive so the coffers are full.
The law states 4 ft 6 inches and below have to be in a booster seat, does that mean adult midgets have to be in them as well?
wafwot on June 21, 2007
You insensitive fuck! They’re “little people,” not midgets! I think the law states age, too, not just height.
Effective June 1, 2007, children less than eight years old must be restrained in child restraint systems, unless the child is four feet nine inches or taller. A child who is eight years old or older, or four feet nine inches or taller, must be properly restrained either with the motor vehicle’s safety belt or an appropriately fitting child restraint system. Children under thirteen years old must be transported in rear seats where it is practical to do so.
You’re… uhh… dead on with the idea that the government doesn’t care about you personally… They care about your ability to continue to earn money and pay taxes… and subject yourself to the Gestapo. “Comrade, you shall continue to live so we may continue to tax you for the air you breathe.”
Kwaker -aka Three Horse on June 21, 2007
Personally, I think the government/state/county/city is up everyone’s asses Way too much. What the fuck ever happened to Personal Responsibility and Freedom? If it’s not the “powers that be’ telling us we have to do this for “our own safety” or “for the children” they just make up another reason to screw us out of hard earned cash and the freedom we’re entitled to, being legal Americans.
It should be up to us as adults, to decide if we want to risk our own lives or limbs by belting in or putting on a helmet. If an adult chooses to be unsafe (though not all accident cases show seat belts saving lives, in some cases they do the reverse.) It should be up to the individual. Not the Government or State. I also don’t give a flying turd if johnny or suzy is seeing porn online or tits on t.v. That is a parental responsibility, not mine. If you choose to have kids, watch them.
As fer politics, Dems, in my bitchy opinion don’t care about human life. They want more taxes, a socialistic environment and less free enterprise…and the Repubs, they at the moment are mostly gutless pansy assed bitches who don’t seem to have balls anymore to stick to their own party ideals. It’s all about who can smear whom, who can rake in the most money and get the most relatives on the payroll and in the end they’re not working for us, just their own retirement.
…and that’s all I have to say about that….
Kyle on June 25, 2007
I apologize to all the midgets out there that I may have offended. I mean to all the gnomes out there. Dang it, I mean all the little people that I have offended.
wafwot on June 25, 2007
Ah, fuck little people. Like Ralphie May says, “little people” isn’t specific enough. Little people could be midgets, kids, or Filipinos… you just don’t know. But when you say “midget,” there’s no mistaking you’re talking about fart-smelling adults that stopped growing, with their big-heads, little-arms, and fat asses.
You think midgets can go ‘cuba divin’ or ‘norkin’ with their tiny little legs?
Kwaker -'nice people swallow' on June 25, 2007
I wanna know if midgets have to ride in booster seats, since a midgets average height is 4 feet?
and those of you keeping score at home, “Midget” is a medical term, albeit an old one. (In the 19th century, midget was a medical term referring to an extremely short but normally-proportioned person and was used in contrast to dwarf, which denoted disproportionate shortness. )
Ditech on June 26, 2007
1) Seatbelt Law is only there because they need:
a) Another bullshit way to generate $$
b) Make people think the gov’ment is looking out for them
c) Another bullshit reason to pull over people minding their own biz
Seatbelts do not always save lives - infact people have gotten their heads stuck in the mechanical ones and been strangled because of it. http://www.seatbeltdefects.com/automatic_belts/index.html
Uncle Sam has no business telling me that I need to save my life while driving STOP THE UNTHINNING OF THE HERD! If there where less stupids there would be less need for labels like “Don’t drink this shampoo it can kill you”
Then again, if we did that tech support would be out of a job……
I know I am not a brain child by any means, but I am not a fool that opens a new hard drive and says “WOW Western Digital even sent me a snack to go with this”
Little people? Are we talking about leprechauns? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leprechaun
JFC, what does that make me an “Overly abundant eater with a lazy metabolism”?
I need to get baked now.
wafwot on June 26, 2007
Yeah… we’re not too far from ridiculous laws like:
* No clipping your toe nails so close to the toe so that it is painful when you walk.
* No picking your nose to prevent overgrown finger nails from lacerating your sensitive nasal passages.
* You shall not spend more than 15 minutes in the sunshine on sunny days in order to prevent skin cancer.
* A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting, unless the flirting is being used to get out of a traffic ticket.
* While walking on public streets, you must look forward and down at all times to prevent tripping.
* In order to prevent eye injury, boogers may not be flicked at another person, or into the wind.
* No persons may stick their toes in a bath tub faucet in order to prevent them from being stuck.
* Collecting smegma in a mayonnaise jar is strictly prohibited in all 50 states.
* Only brightly colored condoms may be used for safe sex. Condoms, once used, are quite slippery! Used colored condoms easier to see on linoleum floors of bathrooms than natural colored ones, which will lower the number of slip and fall accidents.
* One may not receive anal sex, however, giving anal sex is legal.
One hundred percent compliance is required or you will face jail time.
A-real on June 26, 2007
They are called “Time Bandits” not midgets, little people or anything else…DUH
Kwaker -"Summer time, when chicks take their tits out for a walk" on June 26, 2007
Speaking of dumb laws, here are a few actual ones on the books in WA:
RCW 70.54.090 It is illegal to attach a vending machine to a utility pole without prior consent from the utility company.
RCW 70.54.050 No person may walk about in public if he or she has the common cold.
RCW 70.98.170 X-rays may not be used to fit shoes.
All lollipops are banned.
There’s law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances (including the wedding night!)
When two trains come to a crossing, neither shall go until the other has passed.
It is illegal to pretend that one’s parents are rich.
It is illegal to paint polka dots on the American flag.
In Seattle:
Goldfish can ride the city buses in bowls only if they keep still.
You may not carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.
Women who sit on men’s laps on buses or trains without placing a pillow between them face an automatic six-month jail term.
No one may set fire to another person’s property without prior permission.
n Everett: It is illegal to display a hypnotized or allegedly hypnotized person in a store window.
In Lynden: Dancing and drinking may not occur at the same establishment.
Laws from OR:
Babies may not be carried on the running boards of a car.
Canned corn is not to be used as bait for fishing.
It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property.
In Oregon anyone with a bad reputation is prohibited from distributing malt beverages.
Dishes must drip dry.
Klamath Falls: It’s illegal to walk down a sidewalk and knock a snakes head off with your cane.
Beaverton: You must buy a $10 permit to be allowed to install a burglar alarm.
Myrtle Creek: One may not box with a kangaroo.
In Bend, it’s illegal to take a horse in a bar.
In PA:
It is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel.
You may not sing in the bathtub.
It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.
In New Mexico:
Idiots may not vote.
In Carrizozo, it’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public (includes legs and face).
Misc:
In Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.
In Texas:
Up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos.
It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
In Idaho:
Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
In Boise, residents may not fish from a giraffe’s back.
Ditech on June 29, 2007
I think that it is so funny that all these ridiculous laws continue to exsist in our books taking up useless space; but by their thinking it would take MORE money to take them off so they just go unenforced. I am all for us scraping all laws on the books and starting over, I am all for Idiots not voting too - but then who would determine who is an idiot? I think we should start a petition to get rid of laws that no longer apply and then let the people vote on what ones need to stay and what needs to go.
I also think that instead of raising taxes people holding office should not be paid and then see what type of surplus we have.
Maybe I am a fucking idiot, who knows I mean LDriver still wont give me a good job reference………….
My wife turns 38 today.
Kwaker - on July 2, 2007
Happy Belated Birthday to your wife.
jeremy in moses on September 22, 2007
seat belt tick: I just got a ticket for inproperley wearing a seat belt. My quastion is:
Are’nt laws put into affect to protect me from you. like a blinker to tell me your turning or mudflap to keep my tires from breaking your windshield??? Now what is the stats on people flying out of there car and landing on another person. Like posted befor why is a seat belt more inportant than the bitch next to you putting on there make up, or the dick reading the paper. these people can kill me. where does the gov. get the right for telling me how to die. I think it is my right to die my way. and for sure lets thin the herd and get these dumb fucks out of here so the rest of us can live better lives.
jeremy in moses on September 22, 2007
one more thing how can we the people fight back against laws the violate our personal life. like the seat belt ticket
I'm your typical middle-aged fat-ass struggling from paycheck to paycheck. It's the American fucking dream, don't ya know. I drive a 2005 Ford F-150 pickup truck. I work an 8-to-5 job at an Internet service provider in Seattle as Systems Administrator slash Hostmaster. However, I commute five hours a day so it's really a 5-to-8 job. Sonofafuck, why anyone wants to read about my life is a mystery greater than... the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa.
Kyle on June 20, 2007
And you wonder why I am a republican! This is a fine example of a democratic view that “all life is important,” turning into a law by of Democrat controlled state. The seat belt law is not a federal law, just a state law. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seat_belt_law . I feel your pain, I got nailed with the same “VIOLATION” as well but I tried to fight it, but the judge said no reduction in fine.