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Yesterday, I got a new cell phone. Well, I ordered it Tuesday, and it arrived yesterday… so I guess, I really did get a new cell phone yesterday. Seems like I get a new one every year. Last year I bought a v635. This year it’s a new smartphone. The Cingular 8125 has one major flaw; it runs Windows. However, I can over look that glaring technological pimple for all the other cool shit it does. It’s got bluetooth, Wi-Fi, infrared, USB, a miniSD memory card slot, a 1.3 megapixel digital camera, a QWERTY keyboard, and a 65k-color quarter VGA screen. Oh, did I mention it’s a cell phone? It’s freakin’ awesome. I can surf the ‘Net for porn, use jabber to chat with my two friends, or shell into my Linux machines or the servers at work… and I can still make calls to order calzones from Pizza Factory. Imagine that! The picture here is a shot of my phone, which I also uploaded to Wikipedia since the article for the HTC Wizard needed an image.
I had, just had, to run an errand in town today. I still had the nebulizer I used to inhale the medication I needed when I had pneumonia. It had to be returned to the medical supplier or I’d have been the next Jim Carroll, sucking dick in the men’s room for money to pay the goddamn bill.
My 5am-to-8pm daily commute has made doing things in town a fucking production, requiring a scheduled day off, an official Congressional order, and a high level of coordination rivaling that of Cirque du Soleil. If we need to run even the smallest errand in town, we have to burn a vacation day (or feign illness) in order to complete that errand. The amount of bullshit we’re forced to eat when asking for a schedule change is out of hand. There’s a really long story that goes behind all this, but I don’t want to get into it. Let’s just say that my carpool was asking to have “work-from-home” Fridays that would allow us to telecommute. So earlier in the week, I requested today off if (and only if) we were still driving to Seattle. If telecommuting was approved for Fridays (and all of us were working from home), I wouldn’t need the day off. Okay, let me simplify this as if you were a 2nd grader: I was to have the day off if we’re driving, or I would work from home if we weren’t driving. And as predictable as the rising cost of gasoline, the word came down yesterday that telecommuting was denied, and we would not be working from home. Bastards!
So, I was working from home today. I was logged into the support queue with my X-Lite softphone, tunneled into the company’s VPN, and connected to our jabber server. I was handling my tickets and doing my thing. One of my pet peeves about the jabber server is chat etiquette. It drives me crazy that the people I work with have to start off a conversation with a stupid question — “You there?” Jesus fuck, people! If my online status says I’m available, there’s a high goddamn likelihood I’m at my desk. Just spit it out! There’s no need to ask for my fucking twenty. One of my co-workers asked me this question shortly after 3pm today, and I replied accordingly. They’re jealous nappy-headed hos because I was working from home, and they had to drive into Seattle. They campaigned, via broadcast message, for everyone to send me a jabber message… “hey, you there?” As you can see by the clips of my jabber log below, everyone who asked got the same basic response, regardless of who they were. It was all in good fun, though.
<Twigg> hey you there?
<Twigg> hahahahahahha
<wafwot> fuck you
<Ocelot> hey you there?
<wafwot> I’ll say to you what I said to Twigg…. Fuck you.
<wafwot> C’mon…. get the boss to ask me.
<mike> you there?
<wafwot> fuck you
<wafwot> LOL
<mike> your number one too!!
<mermaid> I’m to harrass you
<wafwot> Okay.
<wafwot> Just don’t ask if I’m here.
<mermaid> I was told to but I dont want to go with the crowd
<mermaid> I’m cool like that
<wafwot> ‘Ata girl!
<wafwot> Coolest in the whole building!
<mermaid> I know I know
<All> Hey u there?
<wafwot> fuck you
<wafwot> A broadcast messgage?
<wafwot> You ass.
<Ocelot> hahahahahaha
<paul> hey, you there?
<wafwot> Ffffffuuuuuuck You!
<paul> hehehe
<the boss> ‘hey.. you there?’
<wafwot> fuck you
<wafwot> lol
<the boss> Ouch hhaha you would not like it
<the boss> what a nice guy.
<the boss> where is that pen I sign your check with? hahah
I so wish I had the wit about me to mention to “the boss” that he doesn’t sign my checks… they’re automatically deposited. Muhahahaha!
Just before lunch, my new phone rang. It was Ditech. He took the day off to move car parts from his garage to Bellingham. I think he took the day off to celebrate 420, but I could be wrong. It’s been known to happen one or two… hundred… thousand times before. After work, I drove out to his house and helped him celebrate the “holiday.” During the 45-minute trip, I realized the “Spring 2007 Hey You There” campaign took to the highway. My carpool buddies were now sending “hey you there” text messages to my cell phone. It was pretty goddamn funny once I had a good buzz kickin’.
As we passed the pipe around just outside the door of Ditech’s basement, he told me they were fixing up the house in order to put it up for sale soon. He told me that the carpet in one particular room is haunted by a mysterious piss odor caused by a former owner, and no amount of cleaning has removed the stink. This was highly funny to me in my state of bakedness. He told me most of the time the carpet in the room doesn’t smell. But sometimes just walking into the house, the stink hits you so hard, it makes Ike Turner seem tender. I couldn’t help but laugh. Not in a mean way. Phantom smells are not something you take lightly. If I’ve learned one thing in my 40+ years on Planet Earth, it’s that jocularity and noxious clouds of urine shall not be fucked with. I don’t make this shit up, people. No, I was laughing because my THC-induced imagination went immediately to a new direct-to-video movie of “Scooby Doo and the Lethal Piss Stink of La Conner” (No, I’m not talking about the Swinomish Tribe. That would be mean.) I couldn’t help but picture Shaggy and Scooby, clinging to each other in a quivering embrace of gayness in the back of the Mystery Machine because they saw a Specter of Pee floating towards them, laughing like Ed McMahon. Fred, Daphne, and Velma solve the case, but Shag and Scoob bumble through and somehow expose the true identity of the Pestilent Pee Phantom as Old Man Meriweather… who of course would have gotten away with it had it not been for those meddling kids. We had a girly giggle over that. I was hilarious! Ditech was worried his tale of tinkle stink might make it to my blog… but I wouldn’t do such a thing for the same reason I don’t make fun of the Swinomish. It was after 9pm by the time I got home from Ditech’s house… thanks to that period of time you have to wait before driving while stoned… so you don’t draw attention to yourself. Paranoia is a stoner’s barometer… or something.
So, that was my 420. Hope your’s was twice as fun. Pass the bong. And the lighter… dumbass.
What?!?! It doesn’t wipe your ass AND it uses Windows? Hehehe… Kinda funny that a Linux guru/geek person who hates windows ends up with a phone using windows…
Your commute does suck big rancid goat berries, although I hear some of your trips have been entertaining even with the Idol like atmosphere… The scheduling and having to take a day off to do one stupid thing-and you still have that follow up to get lined up as well so you’re not out even more days sick…..But that’s all I have to say about that…
Oh, the “Are you there ” bit… not quite as funny as “Who’s on first” but not to bad. And Shaggy and Scooby do not hug or cling in gayness… You just don’t like cartoons, scratch that you don’t like Most cartoons (you do watch family guy, south park and a couple others and they ARE cartoons.)
But the pee phantom… that’s funny. and it could have been a worse smell than pee…
Ya know, I think all your work buddies should send you that AYT text at least once a day, say around noonish or 4:19, or some odd time. I know ya really love it, deep deep down.
Ha, make fun of our haunted house why don’t you. You wont think its so funny next you come over, and, say the lights in the shitter just turn off on their own. HA
I did take the day off to accomplish some cleaning stuff and hey, i got it done. The garage is preatty much cleaned up.
It was good to see you man, hey are you there?
I lost my phone now, and I got laid off my job that I liked so much too. In the last 5 days I have lost:
House keys
Personal cell phone
my job
Good times for me!
Women should be seen, not heard… and preferably in the kitchen makin’ me a pie! Don’t go giving people ideas about shit. And let me clear this up finally; South Park, Family Guy, Futurama, ATHF, et al, are comedies that are animated. Scooby Doo is a cartoon full of homosexual characters that do hug and cling… all butt piratey like. C’mon, even Fred is gay! How can he drive the Mystery Machine and not tap Daphne’s ass in the back when that four-eyed brainy bitch Velma is out finding Scooby snacks with Casey Kasem and his flaming Great Dane?
Dude! That sucks! You just started that not too long ago. What the fuck?
Women will make you men a pie if you eat one first (and I doubt you’ll leave that in the comments).
Finally? Ummm, you might wanna recall who you’re talking to here… they’re all cartoons, and though they be called animated comedies, that’s just a PC way of saying cartoons for those who don’t want to admit to watching cartoons. Not to mention they are on network TV and the (GASP!) Cartoon Network… And who knows, maybe Fred was tapping both Daphne and Velma? Heck, maybe those scooby snacks Velma was getting were for after a jar of peanut butter n-snatch? Who really knows? It’s all good TV, and if you say it’s not I dare you a few hours of glaucoma relief over the weekend and cartoon viewing.
What ideas am I giving folks? I’m innocent I tell ya…
Men like nice, neat pies. Pies that have been meticulously made. Pies that look warm and inviting. Pies that say “eat me.” If the pie was hastily made without care, then you should just make us a tuna fish sandwich.
Sorry. I watched cartoons as a kid. I watch animated comedies as an adult. While there was no TV Parental Guidelines system when I was growing up, if I were to apply that system to “cartoons,” they would get a TV-Y, TV-Y7, TV-G, or TV-PG. Animated comedies would get TV-14 or TV-MA. There is a distinction. Fred was never seen pounding away at Daphne or Velma (or Shaggy or Scooby, for that matter), but Mrs. Garrison has scissored with dykey bar flys. One is TV-G (cartoon), the other is TV-MA (animated comedy). One is childish (cartoon), the other is funny as hell (animated comedy). One uses language like “golly gee willikers” (cartoon), the other uses phrases like “screw you, Jew” (animated comedy).
Classifying every animated show as a “cartoon” is like saying all Mexicans like beans, all white people can’t dance, and all black basketball-playing women are nappy-headed hos… that like fried chicken. That’s profiling, goddammit, and profiling is wrong!
Well I was laid off because of a downturn in business, lack of marketing on their part and not having the gaurnteed funds to pay my salary (maintenance contracts that they counted on getting because of customer demands and then they declined to sign up).
They are good people, they just jumped the gun.
I wont go into it about the profliling thing – but I had to stand up for Kaleb today as a school admin called concerned about him wearing a trench coat. I more or less said fuck off and she hung up thinking I was a dick more or less.
Hey! Long time no-see. Are you there?
Glad you got a finally got a real converged device. If I recall, the 8125 is T-Mobile’s flagship PDAphone. HDPSA is coming about 9 months out… gonna kick my Sprint 6700′s EVDO ass!
Sure, it’s running WM5. But there’s plenty of freeware for it. Besides, no shame here: I use Ubuntu feisty fawn with Beryl and VMWare to do XP and have 2000 on a laptop to support my USB Missile Launcher with webcam.
Throw in OSX server and Mini versions, and I have a freakin’ orgy of OSes in my cube. ‘Thometimethz I get cunfuthed’ – Deedeedee!
So.
Why the hell won’t they at least let you guys TRY telecommuting and see how it works?
And I’m with you on the ‘animated comedy vs cartoon’ thing.
Although I’ve seen animated porn that I would call a cartoon.
Art
The phantom piss smell came back on Saturday but was gone yesterday. EXPLAIN THAT SHIT TO FRED AND THE GANG
Nope, he’s not here, he’s either sleeping, commuting, eating or working:)
His new phone is actually a Cingular..no scratch that, an AT&T phone.
It’s pretty kewl as far as Cell/smart/pda/ phones go, I suppose.
It amuses me that it runs the dreaded Windows, but Ubuntu is supposed to have an os out for phones and crap specifically in the Fall, and I’m betting windows will be gone from his phone if at all possible, when that time comes.
While I do personally use windows for digging up dead folks, (the genealogical crap) I tend to use the Linux side of things for most everything else anymore so I’m kinda one of those “born again” open source broads, as I’ve been ‘converted’ by the geek of the house:)
I won’t even touch the telecommuting…err Teleworking issue….
and on the cartoon vs. animated comedy bit….
Technically, they all fall under the “traditional animation” category and shows like Family Guy and The Simpsons are defined as “Animated Cartoons” under the sub-category of “adult animation”, according to Wikipedia (as well as other sources.)
As for animated porn…none of it’s very good..Hell the flesh on flesh porn isn’t all that great either cause there’s just too much talking or trying to put a plot in it as if it’s a real movie….Just show the action, ditch the delivery boy/postal worker/school teacher lame ass wanna be plot lines, already….
(You know I gotta at least try to have the last word on the cartoon stuff as that’s part of the indoor plumbing manual and indoctrination, hehehe.)
(Just call me three horse….)
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