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Hey look. The title “Miscellany” is back. I didn’t use it last time because I wrote a little too much about work-oriented topics (mine and other’s). This should be a more accurate update worthy of such a title.
Before leaving the office this evening, I took a trip to the head. It has become a daily ritual to take one last piss before heading home on our 150-plus-minute commute home. I hate doing the pee-pee dance, especially in the seat of a car. And I definitely don’t need all the burning love of a fiery urinary tract infection, or the excruciating pain of kidney stones.
When I walked to the stall, there was a post-it note on the door with the words “NAGIOS CHECK” at the top. Nagios is an open source network monitor program that we use to ensure network services on our many servers and routers remain working at all times. I took this pitiful out-of-focus picture of the post-it note on the shitter stall door with my cell phone. The lighting in our bathroom is not the best. Not like we need stadium lights to pinch a loaf or anything. I had to get really close for the writing to show up, and that’s why the photo is so shitty (if you’ll pardon the unintended pun). Besides, I don’t need to spend huge amounts of time composing pictures in the little boys room. I’m pretty sure the president of our company — who was taking a leak when I snapped this photo — thinks I’m obsessed with mookie stinks. Pass the Charmin, m’kay?
Scatological references aside, I tried my best to clean it up and make it readable by adjusting and sharpening the image with GIMP. Just in case you can’t read it, I’ll try to snag the Post-it note if it’s still there in the morning. In the meantime, I’ll type it out below so you can at least “read” the text. This little post-it note was a clever little notice (probably left by one of our admins) that notified the next occupant that there was no more toilet paper in that stall. I couldn’t help but wonder if some of the less-than-technical (for lack of a better description) men in Sales and Accounting figured out what the notice meant. Too fucking funny!
NAGIOS CHECK
CRITICAL
/dev/rolla
0 blocks free
/dev/rollb
0 blocks free
[ ] Acknowledge
[ ] Silence
[ ] Schedule Next Check
In a couple of weeks, we’ll be picking up a former co-worker who has a seminar to attend in Seattle. He needs a ride into the city, and since we’re nice people — and just happen to have an empty seat that day — he’ll hitch that ride. We gave him conditions, though. He had to pay $10 for gas, which is a bargain if you consider the cost of fuel these days and the price of parking in the garage. He also had to agree to the constant barrage of ridicule that we’ve been building up since he left the company in September of 2005. He agreed, and it is so on! It’s gonna be a fun day with the “Di-tech Soy Boy!”
And here we go again. I had a couple more topics to cover, but it’s getting late and I can’t remember what they are. Besides, I’ve completely lost the desire to continue typing. I spent far too much time trying to get the CSS just right for that faux post-it note. Ho-ly-fuckin’-Christ, wotta a pain in the ass. What I have already is probably not XHTML strict, and it’ll eat at me like necrotizing fasciitis. I’ll remember what those forgotten topics were as soon as I click “publish,” I just know it. Pass the ginkgo biloba.
Hey! At least my CSS and spacing on the yellow square is XHTML 1.1 compliant.
Also, it appears that the building maintenance people understood the note! This morning, there was an extra roll (/dev/rollc) in each stall. Whodathunkit?
I think you guys have WAY too much time on your hands.
Think about it. Someone had the time to either bring a stick-note pad into the john and write that cutesy little tid-bit, or they had enough time to head to the john, see there was no shit wipe, head back to their desk, write the note then make another trip back to the john to place said note. In the time it took to do all that ya could have called maintenance and asked for more toilet paper.
Not to mention ya took the time to snap a picture of the note and make a blog post out of it… and ya know it’s a scary thing to count how many references to shit you have in this blog. The word fecalfeliac plops to mind, pardon the pun.
I don’t think you could go an entire month (as in 30 separate blog posts) without mention or referencing shit in some way or comparing something else to it’s consistency, shape, smell, size, color etc. I know you’ve other things in that head of yours. For instance, you could write about boobs, navel rings on fat chicks, how guys like jiggling boobs (which I’m sure bill Cosby thought of to get that ever present smile on his face when hawking Jello), how there is no such thing as soy milk (again there are no soy titties), various sights and sounds on your commute, hairy tongues, navel lint, or just how much coffee ya gotta drink to be awake in the morning.
My bet is on the boobs. Guys like boobs.
Here’s a good representation of what Nagios might look like if it was configured to monitor a bathroom. I can see that you might want to monitor hand soap, paper towels, how full the trash cans are, and possibly even if there’s “corruption” in the bowls or on the seats! Dear God, make me stop!
Dude that post it note was so fucking funny I had to really stop myself from laughing (like how you remember I used to laugh). Too fucking rad. Did you ever find out who put that up there?
I am so excited to go for my ride next week! I can take the abuse and hell I may give some back now
. If you guys desire more than 10$ let me know, but I was just trying to help out your co-worker who needs to buy expansion packs (coughs techs name).
I am going to use that Nagios png as a wallpaper I think